I really loved this episode and not just because I’m fairly sure Zoe’s tearful wailings over having to leave Lavon’s beloved kitchen pastries were a total shout-out (but that aspect was awfully fun, too). Basicallly, it was just very charming: we got some angsty longing (I love longing), formal shorts, a wacky visitor, a hideous jumpsuit, a jug band, and maximum Meatball. Someone was even reading Don Todd’s book! (Which I shamefully neglected to screengrab. But I appreciated it!) What more could you possibly want?
They have, thank God, just let Rachel Bilson’s bump free:
She and Wade have come to the conclusion that they need to find a new place to live, as they don’t have room in their respective Shacks on Lavon’s property for the both of them and a baby. But Zoe really really doesn’t want to move. She’s also extremely hormonal:
Rachel Bilson was VERY funny in this episode. “The idea of leaving Lavon’s,” she wails. “The kitchen pastries! The Lavon!” This is what I’ve been telling you! You find a place full of kitchen pastries and you stay there! YOU HANG ON TO THAT.
But Wade and Zoe have issues other than housing. Namely, the Prichett sisters have opened a barbeque burrito truck and it’s totally killing business at the Rammer Jammer:
So Wade has to figure out how to get people back to his fine establishment, both because they need the money and because it’s freaking out his hormonal baby mama. The solution to this problem — as is the solution to everyone problem, I am sure — involves Meatball. We’ll get to that.
Lavon ALSO has problems, beyond his kitchen pastries being abandoned. He cannot get over Lemon. He looks cheerful here in this great shirt and jaunty hat, but trust me. His heart is far from unbroken:
Zoe promptly echoes something else I always say, which is that Lavon should have NO TROUBLE with the ladies. “You are Lavon freaking Hayes. You do not pine. You’re a mayor. A HUNKY MAYOR. A football hero! You are a CATCH” I KNOW, RIGHT? And as such, he needs to go back out there and get back on the horse. “I need you to be happy, Lavon,” Zoe sobs into his gingham shirt while he, like, awkwardly pats her back. I find Hormonal Zoe Hart extremely funny.
And I find this outfit on Leon extremely questionable but mostly for reasons of season:
Is it ALWAYS summer in BlueBell? Perhaps it is. That seems like a nice motto for the town the next time they have to order signs. She’s also stressed out because she’s got “romantic troubles.” Amusingly, Brick has decided that this must mean that Lemon is still hung up on Meatball, and asks her to REMEMBER THE SHAME that she and he and ALL OF ALABAMA felt over that assignation. “PUT HIM OUT OF YOUR MIND,” Brick says. He tells her to get back out there and go to the “Singles Hoe-Down in Mobile tonight.” Dear god, I just hope this series ends with Meatball in a good place. Or perhaps in jail.
Let’s talk about AnnaBeth. She’s decided to go to nursing school, and in order to afford it, she’s selling her houseboat that I forgot she owned and on which George is currently living in filth:
In fairness, the filth is because he’s managing the Truitt Brothers and they’re disgusting. It’s part of their process (and I suspect also their DNA, although Tansy is not disgusting. That we know. Maybe she’s like Rebecca Romijn on that episode of Friends.) Anyway, AB tells George that she might have a buyer and asks him to tidy the place up and George gets sort of worked up about this which is FUNNY but maybe a little out of character for a lawyer, and my question is…why doesn’t GEORGE buy it? Are you a bad money manager, George? You are the only legal brain in town. Surely you do good business. These people are obviously getting into frivolous lawsuits constantly.
Wade’s plan to get everyone back into the Rammer Jammer and away from the Burrito Truck is to have a great musical act come by, and WHAT DO YOU KNOW? Meatball’s cousin is “Pamela Bailey,” who is apparently “a superstar country musician” and he introduces her to Wade in exchange for free beer for the month:
Pamela Bailey looks so much like Rachel Boston to me that I thought it WAS her for half the episode. But she is definitely an amusing diva pain in the ass. She agrees to play the Rammer Jammer only after Wade promises her that BlueBell is A DELIGHT and boasts a wonderful B&B (and also because Meatball threatens to call her mother and rat her out for breaking a vase when they were children; I love you, Meatball). What Wade doesn’t know when he does this is that Zoe has had to close the Whippoorwill because it’s got bed bugs. I think you can guess where this goes: Pamela is welcomed into Lavon’s House of Kitchen Pastries, and everyone has to pretend it’s actually a hotel and not a private home. Shenanigans of the Week, right here!
Because these final episodes are (delightfully) bringing back all our greatest hits, McKayla “Doubtful” Mulroney has pink eye:
She is also, like all teen girls of BlueBell, preternaturally wise and tells the money-strapped and financially stressed Zoe to just ask Brick for a raise already. (Brick, however, says no.)
George has spent too much time in BlueBell, because he’s come up with a Scheme to prevent AB from selling her houseboat, and it’s telling her buyer — Wally — that the Truitts are probably moving in next door. Next boat?
As you can see, Wally is not that into the idea of buying, as he puts it, “a floating trailer home filled with garbage:”
At least Cricketttttt’s heart-covered day dress is EXTREMELY CUTE and also totally apt for the upcoming Valentine’s Day holiday. As you can imagine, AB is STEAMED, and this is kind of shitty of George. She’s YOUR LANDLORD, George! She can do whatever she wants! You should know this. YOU ARE A LAWYER. Anyway, he thinks this selling-the-boat thing is “a whim,” but AB tells him it’s to pay for nursing school, and George is all, “WELL! I…DIDN’T KNOW THAT,” and then he feels like a total heel.
You should also know that basically this entire scene is scored to the dulcet tones of the Truitt Brothers Country Jamboree. “ENOUGH,” George bellows at then at the end, as AB storms off. It was very amusingly handled.
Elsewhere, obviously, Lavon and Lemon run into each other at the Singles Square Dance:
The hoedown itself is quite funny — all the actors playing Lemon’s dance partners are highly amusing (one tells her he designs websites…mostly about his alien abduction! [The way that dude purrs “alien abduction” made me laugh more than once.] Another is obsessed with soup. As a single person, I HAVE BEEN THERE). So naturally L&L agree that it’s hard to meet new people in BlueBell and then Lemon goes and accidentally calls Lavon the love of her life, which leads to a lot of Meaningful Glances, and him telling that this situation is terrible for everyone and that something has to change, and she looks so, so sad when she says, “yes. We do.” ARGH. JUST MAKE OUT.
I mean, I can see the issue here — AB is Lemon’s best friend and AB also loves Lavon — BUT! AB got together with Lavon when she knew that Lemon was still in love with him (right? Or was she under the mistaken impression that Lemon was over him? I remember lots of angst on the other side of this love triangle, is all I am saying) so I feel like…there’s gotta be a little latitude here. You don’t want to break Girl Code, but the love of your life only comes around once: I’s right there in the name and everything.
The loves of my life are all these Kitchen Pastries, I’m pretty sure. Thank you, Hart of Dixie, for making this episode a Valentine to my beloved kitchen pastries. We will ALL miss them most of all. And I’m including Zoe in that sentiment:
“You walk in, and there’s just pastries, everywhere. Where do they come from?” she asks Wade. “We’re never going to find a new place that comes with its own pastry elf.” THIS IS ALL TRUE. At this point, Lavon comes wandering in and sadly tells them all about running into Lemon at the hoedown, and Zoe just sticks another pastry in her mouth. “I’ll fix that too,” she tells Wade.
The whole theme of this week’s episode, in fact, is pastries. George and AB and her cute dress have a whole argument about whether the word “crueller” is pronounced “crueler” or not (it’s NOT) and then she accused him of trying to “work [her] over” to get to stay on the boat:
But in the course of this, they do get to laughing about the Truitts (one whom, of course, has a raccoon named Reba), and Lemon sees this and LO A PLAN IS BORN. And that plan is to make AB and George fall in love with each other, ergo making it way less shitty for AB when Lemon hooks up with Lavon. Putting it that way sounds harsher than it really is, I think. AB, when she and George figure this out, is pissed about it, though, and while I don’t blame her for that, I also honestly do think that Lemon believes that George and AB might be a cute couple and because she KNOWS that AB and Lavon will NEVER HAPPEN, she sees this as a way for everyone to be happy.
She’s also wearing this, by the way:
I thought you should know.It makes ME unhappy.
So many plans this week afoot — BlueBell is best when people are plotting — and at least the one where Wade and Zoe talk Lavon into pretending his home is a B&B works at the start, although Pamela is a VERY PICKY guest. TBH, I mostly just included this shot because Meatball’s express of wonder is the best:
Especially considering that Lavon’s house looks just the same as ever when Wade throws open the doors.
There’s a lot of back and forth with Pamela — she is VERY DEMANDING and even decides the concert is off when she (of course) eventually learns that Lavon’s house is not actually a B&B. She learns this when he tells her. And he tells her because she asks him to make her room sufficiently romantic because she plans on boning one of the Truitt brothers within, and I cannot blame him for giving up the ghost in the face of such news.
Additionally: what shirt is this on Lemon? She looks like she’s wearing trim samples for the new valances at Fancie’s:
But I really only included this screengrab so we could compare RELATIVE ORANGENESS:
I think this issue — which was much better this week than last — has to be AT PART make-up. Look how orange Scott Porter is! It totally amuses me. He looks like he’s fresh off a gig as a spokesperson for Tropicana. Anyway, Lemon manages to solve one of AB’s problem: Sal the Shrimp Guy is looking for a rental property as an investment. He’s going to buy the boat and let George stay on as a tenant. Now, look. I know that both George and AB find Lemon’s meddling irksome (they totally bond over it, and that actually makes them officially friends at the end of the hour) but let’s get real. LEMON FIXES THINGS. As Tina and Amy once said: BITCHES GET THINGS DONE.
Even if sometimes the aforementioned shit has to happen in what I believe is an updated Alice in Wonderland costume:
But Rachel Bilson is very cute in her little tweed dress as she cries over how lonely she’s worried Lavon will be after she and Wade move out, and Lavon is also really REALLY upset about them leaving. It’s obvious they’re just going to stay! It’s a huge house! You all love each other! Maybe just lock up Burt Reynolds! Everything’s going to be fine!
“I’m going to be all alone on a giant plantation forever!” Lavon cries. “I really wish I could stay,” Zoe cries. She doesn’t want to “grow up and move out or whatever. I LOVE THE PASTRIES! I WANT TO STAY,” she sobs. It’s honestly…really, really funny. So Lavon promises that he will figure something out, and while that’s all important from a plot standpoint, I also just need to tell you all that I just noticed that this room is CRAZY FULL of porcelain figurines. It’s got like 100 of them. If they ever do a scene in here again, keep an eye out. It’s funny.
And I figured you’d want to see AB’s pretty one-shouldered dress while she and George rage about how selfish and conniving Lemon is:
Lemon swears that she thinks AB and George would be cute together. “I want you to be happy, AnnaBeth,” Lemon says, and AB is all, “no. You want YOU to be happy.” AB! LEMON HAS BEEN STUDIOUSLY NOT BANGING LAVON HAYES FOR WEEKS FOR YOU! After this set-to, Lemon and Lavon run into each other at the Rammer Jammer and have yet another talk about what a mess this entire situation is, and I’m sorry, but I just kind of want the two of them to be like, “SCREW IT” and run off to Barbados. In fact, that is basically what Lavon suggests, but AB’s upbraiding has only made Lemon want to avoid Lavon even more, to save AB’s feelings. AB really got to her, and I get that. BUT WHAT ABOUT TRUE LOVE, YOU GUYS?
I only included this screengrab because Meatball — who is using being Pamela Bailey’s cousin to pick up chicks — looks so funny to me. ILU, Meatball:
Speaking of, the concert is back on because Lavon explained his romantical troubles to Pam — “Country singers eat that stuff up” — and it’s really helping the Rammer Jammer rake in the cash. The other good news is that Wade and Zoe agree they don’t want to move, and Lavon agrees that he wants them to stay:
I think we all knew that was going to happen, but I’m still pleased about it. At least Lavon’s going to have a baby to keep him company while he gets over his broken heart.
The episode ends with George and AB dancing and agreeing they are friends — my screengrab turned out all wonky, I must apologize — and I think it’s very possible we ARE going there. I think I’m okay with it. Right? They have decent chemistry and…actually. Maybe AB should get to move off to somewhere new and exciting for nursing school, where she’ll meet a hunky nurse dude and find love and career success AWAY from BlueBell. That’s not such a bad ending for anyone.