Fug Madness 2019, Round One: Enter J. Lo!

First! A word about the rules: The photos we show aren’t the ONLY ones in consideration; just a representative sample of everything worn from after the Oscars in 2017, all the way through the Oscars that just finished (so, March 6, 2018, to Feb 26, 2019). Polls close after roughly 24 hours. Vote on any device, as often as you want to or can. Do you need a refresher on how this works? The Fug Madness FAQ is here for you.

PSA: Click on the name of the match-up and you will be taken to it directly. In this round:

(6) Cynthia Erivo vs. (11) Kristen Stewart· (3) Rowan Blanchard vs. (14) Maren Morris · (7) Hailee Steinfeld vs. (10) Tyra Banks. (2) J. Lo vs. (15) Rumer Wills 

Note: The hyperlinks on each person’s name will take you to their archives for further research, should you need it!

(6) CYNTHIA ERIVO  v. (11) KRISTEN STEWART

Cynthia Erivo is one of those people for whom we generally write posts including the words, “well, at least she isn’t boring.” And she is REALLY rarely boring! Even when she looks wacky, at least she’s INTERESTING. This, at the Oscars this year, was both interesting AND good. This was an early entry into the Sexy Tootsie sweepstakes. And this was flat-out great. As, frankly, was this! (So was this!) And while this made her look like like she was in a cult, but at least that cult had good taste.

This reminded me of a Reba McEntire jam, which isn’t the worst thing in the world, but it was surprisingly fringe-y and sheer:

(May I remind you that she loves a fringe?)

I liked this well enough, but a lot of you DID NOT:

And absolutely none of us could sign off on visible Thom Browne Granny Panties And Matching Bra:

(Though I’m always at home for Sexy Glasses.)

At least this is JUST Visible Bra:

Here, at the Met Gala, I opined that I thought she was pulling this off and I still mostly stand by that, but the fact remains that the bodice of this IS a velvet Glamour Don’t bar:

This is A BOW, all caps required:

But no one — NO ONE — could pull this off. Even she looks shocked:

Cue sad trombone.

K Stew, on the other hand, wore a LOT of Chanel — as she is a spokesperson for them and they’re paying her a boatload of money to do it. Some of it was fine! Some of it was pleasantly striped. Some of it was an interesting attempt to take the Chanel aesthetic and match it to her own, with very high-waisted results. Some of it was…fine until you got to her feet, which look terrible here. (These shoes are also screamingly bad.) Some of it involved gold lamé pants, which I loved but which made many many many of you weep and not in the good way:

This look — at Cannes, where much of this happened, because she was on the jury — had a point of view, but I’m not sure the execution totally held up. (I might just wish she’d wore a plain tank instead?) And this is very bland (especially in comparison to Lea Seydoux, who looks stunning).

This one desperately needs to, you know, fit her better:

(Also, I find those white shoes perplexing with it. Why white? WHY?)

And, of course, we’re going to end with a sheer bang:

Time to vote!

(3) ROWAN BLANCHARD v. (14) MAREN MORRIS

I must open this by noting that I think we’re underestimating Maren with this seeding and she has great potential. Also, that I love her new album. But she has got a fierce competitor here in Rowan. Can she take down THIS?

That is TERRIBLE. It’s mostly the fault of the folks at Gucci, but the fact still stands! I hate that her stylist actually let this happen. (At the very least, she needed totally different makeup.)

This is much more artfully done but also out-of-control:

This is LEGIT a loofah:

Comparatively, this is understated…if EXTREMELY branded. (And she looked cute at Coachella.) (Also, I love this Brenda-and-Kelly moment.)

Finally, I want to take my time here to say that Coach should…just stick to bags, sincerely. Why are they trying to branch out into red carpet wear? It gives me an existential crisis. It’s never worked and I cannot imagine it’s making them money:

(Although honestly even that bag is bad. I hope Coach paid you a lot, kid! Stick that in your retirement fund!)

Let’s pivot to Maren, whose style HAS improved, but who still enjoys a Wanton Hip Cut-Out. She, like Rowan, has dabbled in the Loofah Arts:

Is this…just a sports bra? Hey, at least she’s supported:

This is sort of weirdly sad?

I feel like we’ve seen that dress a hundred times before and every time it’s been better? Maren is so talented. I WANT MORE FOR YOU MAREN. Like, more than this:

That’s just like she’s wearing her mom, Joan Collins’s, outfit for show-and-tell. In fairness, I guess if I were related to Alexis Morell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan, I’d want to show it off too. (Yes, I knew all her names in order by memory; why doesn’t UCLA put THAT in its alumni newsletter?)

(7) HAILEE STEINFELD v. (10) TYRA BANKS

The idea of these two actually fighting it out makes me laugh. Hailee is a good actor and I suspect she could at least pretend to hold her own, and we all know that Tyra COMMITS to a moment. A seven/ten match is traditionally very close and I predict this one might be as well. LET’S GET TO IT.

Remember the time Hailee got dressed up in thigh-high boots to promote cereal?

Or the time she wore a giant giant shirt to sell Post-Its?

I need her to pick up another endorsement to see if she wears something oversized to promote it, thus officially making a trend. (Do the GIANT three-dimensional flowers on the dress she wore to the Oscars parties count? She’s promoting…I guess herself? Nah. We gotta keep working on that one. How about her look for the Met? It’s got giant abstract wings? That’s promoting….outfits?)

Hailee worked a lot in this past Fug Madness season, which means we have a lot of material for her. Like, here, she wore pants with a hip-wing and a blouse with a train to the Kids’ Choice Awards:

Hailee, in fact, loves a hip wing. This has two of them!

She wore THIS in December, and yet I am still speechless:

A lot of wacky stuff happened on Hailee’s legs last season. Like, the leggings above are…bizarro. And these boots are very aggressive:

Are those even technically boots? They’re not. They’re heels that…are also tights? Tighteels? I’m flummoxed.

Tyra has a long history of being flummoxing, god bless her. I must admit that I miss her so much. She is a priceless treasure and ANTM is deeply missed by me. (I don’t watch America’s Got Talent, though I appreciate it for giving Tyra a red carpet to walk on the regular; not for nothing, it brought us this early entrance into the Great Sexy Tootsie Footrace of 2018, and this actually extremely great look.) Even her brief press tour for the Life Size sequel was A PLEASURE. For example, what is this???????

What is THIS?! (It’s a hoot, is what it is.)

WHAT is THIS?

(It’s VERY sleeve-y, in fact.)

WHAT IS THIS?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

(2) JENNIFER LOPEZ v. (15) RUMER WILLIS

Hello, friends! (Is that how that goes?) I feel like J.Lo is v. jealous of Tyra’s lace jumpsuit up there. (I, in fact, sort of think Jennifer Lopez, our newly betrothed queen, and Tyra, my forever love, should make a TV movie together.) But she did not need this lace jumpsuit to make it into this competition as a number two seed! She is majestic! Oftentimes, of course, she looked GREAT. (The Oscars were, in fact, great for her this year.) Like, this is just GOOD. This was really pretty. And remember this hair moment? Divine. (Slightly less divine were these VERY long extensions.)

Remember this Hat Moment? It’s very entertaining.

One of the best things about Jennifer Lopez is that she never, never NEVER NEVER phones it in. Like, EVER:

She LOVES a train. Even these pants have a skirt so that they might have a train.  Here’s a coat with a train! I suppose this is technically a cape, but it’s the same concept.

But there is more to La Lopez than capes and trains! She is also very subtle, such as here, where she wore a giant cross to the Met Gala, which was themed around Catholic imagery this year:

There was this intense Bonnie & Clyde moment (please let J.Lo and A.Rod make a Bonnie & Clyde vanity project TV move. She’d be great in it and he would be TERRIBLE. It would be amazing):

Remember the time she wore a straitjacket, but made it fashion? (MAYBE?)

Or her SHEER TROUSERS?

And speaking of trousers — or the lack thereof — finally, I’m going to leave you….with these:

JEAN BOOTS!!! Never change, Jennifer.

Let’s turn to Rumer Willis. Can she upset the master? I mean….anything is possible. It’s 2019. She was REAL sheer at the Oscars (though it’s hard to tell in the pic). This felt too big:

This, on the other hand, felt a bit too small and when I scrolled past it, I didn’t even recognize her face. I didn’t recognize her here, either! (And that suit is very bland, although the bag is really good.)  She’s done a LOT of intriguing stuff with her hair this year (though that dress is pretty good).  This hair might be my fave, although she looks like she’s exploding out of that dress (intentionally; it DOES fit).

This reminds me of Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction, which is…a choice:

And this is….underwhelming at best:

I’m going to leave you with this complete thud: