Let’s do this:

WHY is Brad Pitt doing this to his hair, again? Does he not realize that he has a RESPONSIBILITY TO THE WORLD to maintain his hotness? WE NEED IT IN THESE TROUBLED TIMES. I thought he was supposed to be a humanitarian. (Lainey)

– You are probably interested in the history of time-travel in literature. (Flavorwire)

– This is the funniest story I’ve read all day. Allow me to just tantalize you with the headline: “Kris Humphries threatening to expose Kim Kardashian’s butt as a padded fake.” NOOOOOO! NOT THE BUTT! NOT HER PRECIOUS BUTT. I can’t wait for that People cover. (Celebitchy)

– This is awesome — and surprisingly hard, even thought I watched both. I present to you: “Was It ‘Survivor,’ Or Was It The Presidential Debate?” (NPR)

– A dude is suing a spa for kicking him out after he complained about the quality of their complimentary breakfast. I think that happened to George Costanza once. (NY Daily News)

This history of pantyhose ads is pretty groovy. (Slate)

– This is a fascinating story about Lou Gehrig, Kurt Russell’s dad, and a baseball bat. (The Postgame)

– YA author Leila Sales gets every misdirected text to “Leila” that Verizon sends. Obviously, she’s started a blog about them. This is WAY WORSE than the fact that I regularly deal with Another Jessica Morgan who is so clueless about her own email address that I once got a copy of her income taxes, and was also forced to go into her Match.com account — easy, when all her email is being sent to you — and write, “I DON’T KNOW MY OWN EMAIL ADDRESS” under interests.  (Gizmodo)

– Why why why can’t I buy some of these Alternative Ghostbusters posters as prints? WHY? (How to be a Retronaut)

– Theadora Van Runkle, who designed the costumes for Bonnie and Clyde, among other films, died recently. Her obit’s final lines are a good motto for life. (NY Times)

– Did you know there’s a secret train platform under the Waldorf-Astoria? It’s awesome. (Gothamist)

– The French built an entire FAKE PARIS to fake out the Germans (literally) in WWI. That is ALSO awesome. (Time)