Oh, Freida Pinto — whose name I just typed as “Freida Pinot,” which is clearly a Freudian slip. Today has been annoying. I already need wine. My stupid computer is being stupid. Isn’t Mercury Retrograde OVER, Fug Nation? WHY MUST I SUFFER?

What was I saying? Oh, yes. Dear Freida Pinto: THIS LOOK IS NOT YOUR BRAND. Yes, it’s a Nylon event, so you want to be a bit edgy.  But this a) doesn’t really fit, and b) has a car driving across your crotch. That look works for very few ladies, all of whom are attending the 4 Fast 4 Furiouser premiere. As cater waiters. At the NASCAR bar (NASCARBAR). What would L’Oreal say?