“This is Wax Lopez. Do you want to go see it? You must. And lovers, I believe in you, but I also believe in accidents. How many of us, lovers, have been walking around so innocent and then BOOM we drop a cup of gasoline and then sneeze flames at it? I cannot count how many times I have played Zippo Baseball when somebody was hit by a pitch! That is not a crime! That is just sports! I have love in my heart for athletes! So lovers, know that if you visit Wax Me, I will never have judgment in my heart if an accident were to happen. Do you you hear me? DO YOU HEAR ME? CAN SOME OF YOU LOVERS PLEASE GO LIGHT THIS MAMABITCH ON FIRE. But I do not support breaking the law. But if you have ever wanted to light me like a candle and pray to me on the altar of divine LOPEZ? DO SOME WAX MURDER.”

[Photo: Getty]