Apologies for the tardiness of this fug-cap. I jacked up my left wrist — I am left-handed — and typing has been curiously painful and horrifying in the way in the way I only generally expect from those sections of Real Housewives reunions where everyone is screaming at dog-whistle pitch. If this gets all terse toward the end, just imagine me holding my arm and making that face from Munch’s The Scream.
The being said: THIS EPISODE WAS THE CUTEST. As Fug Friend Jen said to me, it was a non-stop charm attack, and Justin Hartley — who showed up as Hot Neighbor Wade’s brother/Zoe’s 11th viable love interest — was the Mayor of Charmsville. If there is a serious issue with Hart of Dixie, it’s that Rachel Bilson’s character could conceivably hook up with any number of dudes, but to date, there has been NO MAKING OUT. START MAKING OUT, SHOW.
Here’s what happened: Jason “George” Street was having his bachelor party, but he just saw Lavon and Lemon kissing so he was full of angst and suspicions. Blah blah blah, HE BROKE IT OFF WITH LEMON! (She has vowed, a la Scarlett O’Hara, to get him back, but…we’ll see what happens there. She and Lavon have to be the end game, right? She SHOULD be with a man who has a multitude of pastel pants, PLUS he’s the mayor, which makes them a total power couple.) Justin Hartley — who of course will always be Fox Crane of Passions to me (that Wiki page includes the phrase, “Their happiness is cut tragically short, however, when Fox is shot in the chest on September 7 and dies following the move from NBC to DirecTV,” like the network change was an actual plot point)– showed up and was AWESOME and HNW didn’t care for him getting all flirty with Zoe and then acted like a TOTAL ASS to both of them because he’s a child. A dreamy child. Whose dreaminess is sort of faltering next to Justin Hartley (sorry, HNW. Try taking your shirt off). Oh, and George is REALLY mad at Zoe for not telling him she knew about Lemon and Lavon, but I suspect he will get over it. There was also a stripper, a funny throughline about edible underwear (Magnolia The Only Marginally Useful Sister planned the bachelorette party), and did I mention that I am in love with Justin Hartley? I did, right? Just making sure. Let’s look at outfits.