Kate Capshaw may have been Lady Gaga’s stiffest competition ever in an early round, but Gaga still managed 58 percent of the vote. Serayah had no such challenge against Nicole Kidman, snagging 86 percent of the vote there — a margin nearly identical to that which Hailee Steinfeld earned against Sienna Miller. Amy Schumer did marginally better against Cate Blanchett, but still lost to the lady. Will Cate make it one round further, or will she sink to the starlet? Can Serayah take out Gaga? FIND OUT NEXT.
The portmanteaux here: Seragah and Haite.
It’s not that Lady Gaga didn’t have a colorful year. She did. It doesn’t get much more colorful than her Bowie tribute outfit on the Grammy red carpet, or this lightning coat with thigh-highs. Her entire archive is as replete with Gaganess as you might imagine.
But for this post’s illustrative purposes, I accidentally only pulled pictures of her in non-colors. And so:
You can imagine the front. (Actually, it’s in the graphic at the top of this post.) Gaga is basically beating Kim Kardashian at her own outfit. Whether they get a chance to do it head-to-head is down to a few more clashes.
Gaga’s elbow duvet may help nudge her along toward that destiny:
This makes me think they should have red-carpet cheerleaders. If you squint and look at it from a distance, they’re like pom-poms.
This was custom-made for her BY HER STYLIST, which never ceases to amaze, because it seems so… wilty, and imprecise. Its also lackadaisically styled. For the Oscars, no less. A miss by any measure. As was this. I LOVE that gold blazer, and want one for my very own, but the head-styling and overall mien is so… deliberate… in a way that’s hilarious but also heinous. It’s like she’s trying to develop a new character and is winging it.
I genuinely thought this was Courtney Love when I saw it in thumbnail the first time:
That is a big ol’ eek. And I actually don’t think Courtney Love would be caught dead in it, which… if that’s where your fashion has gone, maybe just check in with yourself real quick.
We all know Lady’s casual wear leaves much to be desired. Like, it desires actual fabric sometimes, as when she wore nipple pasties (for the umpteenth time). But then there are times when she’s swaddled in material and it’s still nutballs:
When life has conspired to put me in THIS kind of mood, my stomach is usually the body part I want to conceal MOST.
She’s preparing her acceptance speech methinks. WILL SHE NEED IT? She has to get past Serayah first.
That’s almost her take on the last suit we saw on Gaga. I think an actual shirt might have been welcome. Doesn’t that cold metal zipper pull bump annoyingly against her skin?
Speaking of skin:
This outfit only would have worked for me if it came with a rod you could twiddle to close the slats. You know, like ACTUAL Venetian blinds.
If those shoes are NOT by the same brand as the dress, then congratulations to her for finding something SO SPECIFIC to this whole look. Scary. This whole thing is an ode to bondage.
Here, she is clearly auditioning for a superhero movie. ANY superhero movie.
And here is our old friend Bunchy McPeekaboob. Welcome to the party.
Whose fug reigns supreme?
- Lady Gaga (46%, 3,210 Votes)
- Serayah (54%, 3,704 Votes)
Total Voters: 6,911
I enjoy this face-off. For a while it seemed like Hailee might be a Cate in the making: She had interesting tastes, and was unafraid to play with patterns and color, but generally always kept things on the tasteful side. And then this year happened, she refashioned herself as a pop star, and she started evoking the OTHER side of Cate — the unbridled part we sometimes think MIGHT be punking us all.
Because, I mean…. can Cate Blanchett, dignified and cool and dishy broad that she is, really think this is an attractive garment?
And the thing is: She might. She really might. It’s one reason I caution against anyone trying to split up the concept of fug into “inadvertent” and “messing with us,” or “artistic” vs. “clueless.” It’s impossible to ascribe intent to this. You might want to ASSUME Solange, or Cate Blanchett, or Diane Kruger, is just goofing around with some of these outfits. But until that person specifically SAYS SO, you can’t be sure. Ditto with Kim Kardashian. We might want to THINK she is clueless and has bad taste because it fits with our larger desired narrative about her, but who’s to say she doesn’t know exactly how hideous these things are before she even leaves the house? We cannot read their minds, and thus, I generally stay away from classifying fug that way and vote based solely on which outfits hurt my feelings the most.
So, Cate wore those heinous PJs, and she may have thought they were divine. Regardless, she was willing to be seen in public wearing them, and that’s bad enough. As was the outfit I see as Hailee’s version of Cate’s:
I wonder if her stylist has fun, or just prefers not to discuss her.
That’s a lovely coat, to be sure, but the frumpy shirt and pants underneath it make me stabby. And Hailee’s version of Formal White Pants is problematic as well.
The pants have skirts built in — yes, TWO skirt-legs. I cannot.
Moving on, we have Cate in one of the worst olive optical-illusions in recent memory.
Whereas there is no illusion about Hailee’s. It’s just bad.
Nothing illustrates the way Hailee’s career has gone better than her being at a hundred Jingle Balls, and Cate Blanchett being at Cannes. (That’s not a knock — she’s chosen music for now; Jingle Balls are a good get, in that arena. But it’s a bummer that we seem to have lost her from TV and movies before she even really got going. Maybe she’s turned out not to be that GOOD? I don’t know. Curiouser and curiouser, as Alice would say.)
Anyhoo, let’s go to Cannes. In general, but also in this post. Lest you think Hailee up there is the only one who goes for the visible brassiere-like contraption.
Some of this outfit is so cool, and some of it is SIGH.
Hailee, what’ve you got?
It’s like a mesh dress and a loincloth rolled into one. Your move, Blanchett:
ACK. Is there a WORSE use of mesh?
Hmm. I don’t know if that’s worse, but it’s certainly misguided. If I remember right, this outfit was one of the first that seemed to announce a new visual direction for this one, and … it spoke volumes, and spoke them correctly.
Any final statements, ladies?
Oh, Erdem. No.
Oh, Jim-Billy-Bob-Bob’s Tween Hoedown, NO.
Please drop by their archives for a more comprehensive look at their fashion transgressions — they both had so much; Cate’s pink fringed Givenchy from the Globes, for example, or Hailee’s red hippie-chic off-the-shoulder thing — and then be the judge. Free one, and send one up the river.
Whose fug reigns supreme?
- Hailee Steinfeld (77%, 5,223 Votes)
- Cate Blanchett (23%, 1,583 Votes)
Total Voters: 6,806