Fug Madness 2016, Round Two: Cher Bracket, Part One

In the first round of this bracket, our number one seed Rita Ora proved that she’s a force to be reckoned with when she took down FKA Twigs with a strong but not brutal 68% of the vote. Today, she takes on Lily Collins — who took a 60/40 split over Karolina Kurkova — in what’s sure to be a battle to remember. Our other game brings you Jennifer Lawrence (who easily beat Charlize in the Battle of the Dior Spokeswomen) taking on Kourtney Kardashian, who cleaned up in her game against Ciara — the one outcome here that really surprised me. Who will win? Click through and make some history.

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Rita Ora vs. Lily Collins · Jennifer Lawrence vs. Kourtney Kardashian

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(1) RITA ORA v. (8) LILY COLLINS

So. There’s a reason that Rita Ora is a one seed. She has worn some stuff. Beyond what I am about to bring you here, she’s also worn everything ranging from bedazzled boob triangles to red leather shorty shorts. She is a woman of many layers — albeit not at all literally.

She brought us The Mesh Half-Bikini:

She brought us the Salute to Bungee Cords:

She delivered a full serving of The Feathered Showgirl:

And reminded us all of the existence of The Confused Businesswoman:

She demonstrated The Endless Paradox of the Sheer Turtleneck:

And took a turn in the Lace Jumpsuit From Hell:

Oooh, wait. Maybe this is the Lace Jumpsuit From Hell:

That might be an entirely separate bracket, actually, now that I think about it. This, on Lily, is possibly one of the worst things I’ve ever seen in my life, and that includes the time I was faced with Katie Price wearing solely a variety of strategically placed belts. IT. IS. TERRIBLE. I keep looking back at the disgusted expression on the security guard behind her, and laughing. WE ARE ALL THAT SECURITY GUARD TODAY.

Nearly everything else she’s worn pales in comparison, and for that she should be grateful. This, however, was totally off-topic for the Met Gala:

I guess…the Met HAS paintings and so does her skirt?

This skirt is cute, but the rest of it is a big disappointed sigh:

This feels like a lot of look, to quote the blessed saint Tim Gunn:

And this is like Shakespeare in Love cosplay mated with pantyliners designed to be worn with a thong:

I’ll just leave you with that mental image.

Here are Rita’s vast and terrifying archives.

And here are Lily’s.

No. 5 JENNIFER LAWRENCE v. (13) KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN

The current basketball tournament brought an unprecedented amount of double-digit seeds upsetting higher seeds. Will we see it again here?

You may be surprised to learn this, but J. Law and K. Kard have more similarities in their wardrobe than any of us could have previously anticipated. They both, for example, have a fondness for a sheer black formal number:

They both spend their weekends in tops which barely cover the shorts they’ve wearing (DEAR GOD LET KOURTNEY BE WEARING SHORTS), which both advertise something mysterious (in that we have no idea what J Law means by PERV — is she one? Does she love them? Is she looking for one? Does it actually stand for Precious Economic Retirement Value, and she’s just reminding us to keep an eye on our IRAs? — and of course Yeezy is a mystery to us all):

They each have an inexplicable love for a floaty white gown:

They both insist on going outside in THIS HIDEOUS SILHOUETTE:

They’re both capable of being convinced to wear something beaded and bedazzled that is perhaps a sartorial misstep for this time and place in their life:

They have both deployed a bodice held together by questionable means. In Kourtney’s case, those means are magic and the power of suggestion:

And also I just thought you should know that Kourtney worn this:

YOUR TURN, J LAW.

Explore Jennifer’s archives here.

Take a look at Kourtney’s here.