Bye bye Bella: Kanye West dispatched Ms. Thorne in Round 1 with 67 percent of the vote to her 33. Diane Kruger was even more ruthless with Greta Gerwig; she lassoed a three-quarters majority. Gigi Hadid and Heidi Klum clash here because they each garnered 89 percent of the vote against Dakota Johnson and Nicki Minaj, respectively, and now one of their hands will be forced. WHAT SHALL BE? Let’s see.

Also, my portmanteaux for these: Krugye and Heidid.

Diane Kruger vs. Kanye West · Gigi Hadid vs. Heidi Klum


I should begin by pointing out that Kanye is here in his capacity as a celebrity who dresses himself, NOT as a designer who thinks he can dress other people. We leave designers out of this (also, nobody but his direct circle bothers to wear Yeezy anyway, so his dangers there are limited). Having said that, his abilities in the self-care regard are always in question. For example:


Why do 95 percent of his clothes have holes in them? Does Kris Jenner’s manse, where it feels like they are always living due to flipping every house they’ve ever bought, have a hopeless moth problem? He was in a shredded t-shirt at Easter, too, and… well, it’s hardly an infrequent occurence. And when he isn’t wearing things that have been an insect’s dinner, he’s at formal events in sweatpants.

He also plays it fast and loose with patterns:

Nothing says “Please let me blend in to my natural surroundings” quite like pairing camp pants with a plaid jacket.

This, frankly, looks like he stole it from the last salon that took Kim blonde:

Kanye (and Fern Mallis)

It actually might be knotted shut. SHIRTS ARE NOT SNEAKERS, KANYE.

I fear he owns it in other colors, too:

And we didn’t pay much attention to this at the time, but remember when Kim wore that sheer dress to the Met Gala?

Kanye MAY have gone shirtless under his tux.


No, no, Kanye, don’t declare victory just yet. Because Diane Kruger had A ROUGH YEAR.

This looks like a bee’s deepest fantasy.

This is Monique Lhuillier, and not only is it hideous and unflattering, but it feels VERY antithetical to her aesthetic, as if she saw it and decided she should knock it off just in case. It’s terrible. It’s doing the worst things to her. RETHINK, DIANE.

I also really don’t like this. It’s like she spilled Rogaine down her front.

And these sparked a tremendous debate:


Are they fully sheer? Lightly lined? Only half-sheer? Ombre sheer? I’ll tell you what: The ass scarf alone is still bad enough that all the hair-splitting over the pants doesn’t matter, but honestly, we should not have to think so hard about what they are, beyond: bad.

I am unsettled that this dress is happening. Also, if she really hooked up with Norman Reedus… girl, you are making some questionable life choices.  And this doesn’t touch on the photos Jess used to illustrate her Round One post that features both Diane and Kanye; to remind yourself of THOSE — Diane, in one of them, appears to be wearing a bird’s nest as a skirt — please click here, and then freely tour their archives before making a decision. Diane has MORE stuff, I think. I had totally forgotten about whatever this is. And this polo outfit is precariously close to something Miranda Kerr would wear, which is never a good sign. This might just be an exciting blouse. AND THEN THIS. HASHTAG NEVER FORGET.

So whose missteps were greater? I personally think Kanye only gives a partial shit about anything he wears, and Diane gives an ENORMOUS amount of it. Which sartorial sins are thus more severe lies in your voting fingers now.

Archives: Diane Kruger, Kanye West

Whose fug reigns supreme?

  • Diane Kruger (36%, 2,430 Votes)
  • Kanye West (64%, 4,398 Votes)

Total Voters: 6,827

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Welcome to Young Blond Model vs. Older Blond Model, both of them exhibitionists in their own ways. For example:

Heidi would not be caught dead in that. But she WAS willing to be caught TOTALLY ALIVE in this:


Gigi wore what could be construed as a shrunken minidress version of that gown:


Whereas Heidi sometimes just gives up and goes with whatever was least expensive:


I forgot this dress ever happened. It looks like her left boob is baring its teeth at me.


But is that any more problematic than THIS?

Heidi Klum in Marchesa

Heidi would probably appreciate Gigi’s commitment to the cleav here.


But even La Klum might agree those shoes are the wrong color.

Because clearly, Heidi is not afraid of color.

And of course, both ladies famously wore yellow this year. Gigi’s offering was at the VMAs…

… and Heidi’s was at the Emmys.

It never gets any less heinous, does it?

Archives: Heidi Klum, Gigi Hadid

Whose fug reigns supreme?

  • Heidi Klum (77%, 5,225 Votes)
  • Gigi Hadid (23%, 1,585 Votes)

Total Voters: 6,810

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