As a refresher: The photos and links in each matchup post are NOT the only outfits eligible; rather, they’re a representative sample of the body of work from this period (late Feb, after the 2013 Oscars, through this year’s Oscars). Polls close after 24 hours, so if you like to research your choices — on our site, Getty Images, Google, whatever — have at it and just make sure you vote before the game ends. If you need a primer on how all this works, pursue the the FAQ. And, most importantly, have fun.

Jump to: Paula Patton vs. Maggie Gyllenhaal · Julianne Hough v. Abigail Breslin · Heidi Klum vs. Florence Welch


Katy Perry is not to be counted out. She may be a two seed, but she came in swinging to this one. Katy’s archive is a veritable trove of delights and you could spend a happy hour there, but in case you don’t have an hour, allow me to make some suggestions, like your sommelier of fug. If you like sparkly religious iconography, you’ll love what she wore to the Met Gala. If you love figure-skating and the 90s, this will be your jam. If you’re obsessed with the idea of wearing all of your hotel room curtains at once, can I suggest a cup of this crazy? Finally, frankly, I don’t even know what this is.

And that’s not even the half of it. She wore this — ON PURPOSE — to see Britney in Vegas. Like, in public, not in Britney’s hotel room:

She apparently had a tutu fetish this year, too, looking at the previous look and then at this one:

She’s always dressed like a crazy person on stage, and this year was no different. I don’t even know what’s happening here. Does her vagina have a tiny little loincloth? A literal cloth over her loins?

This is also the year, by the way, that she dressed up like Fraulein Cher Horowitz, and wore this Sheer Constellation Extravaganza and also brought out this ridiculous grill:

Whilst wearing a dress that we had already seen on Coco Rocha. Oh, Katy. That’s a mountain of fabulous that’s hard for anyone to climb.

Her opponent, Mr Harry Styles of One Direction, is here — like Ryan Cabrera before him — mostly on the strength of his crazy hair, although he also looks insane here:

His bedhead game is exceptional:

(Shh, I think that coat is kind of great.) He also doesn’t shy from a sassy blouse, first the above leopard number, and then this brave item, which I suspect is slowly hypnotizing me:

His embrace of the headband cracks me up:

You know that selfie is that girl’s Facebook picture right now and everyone’s reaction is, first, “!!!!” and then, “um, what’s happening on Harry’s head?”

What IS happening on Harry’s head?

His expression kind of says it all.

Whose fug reigns supreme?

  • Katy Perry (89%, 4,710 Votes)
  • Harry Styles (11%, 603 Votes)

Total Voters: 5,310

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This match-up has more than its fair share of double letters. If only she spelled it “Paulla.” And, oh, Paula. What a year she had, as you will see in her archives. Even had she not pranced down the red carpet in everything shiny,  short, and/or tight that she could rustle up. This, for example, is shiny AND tight AND short, and it’s doing her fab body exactly zero favors.

AND THEN THERE’S THIS. Just drink this in:

It. Is. Amazing. It’s a full-body scrunchie. Somewhere, Cressida Bonas just woke up salivating.

Can we interest you in  gown that rather looks like rogue body hair?

I did not think so.

This dates from the brief period where she had ill-advised bangs and MY GOD WILL THE SHEER MADNESS NEVER END?

I feel like the previous dress is the Elizabeth Wakefield — demure, modest, pretty annoying — to this dress’s Jessica Wakefield:

It’s 80s, kinda trashy, probably hanging out at a roadhouse with a mustachioed dude at any given moment.

This dress is just a paragon of subtlety and understatement:

Maggie Gyllenhaal might be Paula Patton’s actual polar opposite. Say what you will about Paula, but at least she rarely looks dowdy. Unlike Mags:

I don’t understand why she always looks like your elementary school vice principal, and by “yours,” I mean mine, which would put us in about 1984.

I would accept that dress on Keri Russell on The Americans, and only because she’d probably be about to murder someone in it.

If she’s not veering dowdy, she’s wearing something way too fussy for her, like so:

And like such:

That bad mother was custom-designed for her, too, which means she has extra culpability for dressing like a Faberge egg. You should take a squizz at her archives – remember the time she ALSO wore a giant scrunchie on her body?  IS THIS THE CRESSIDA BONAS MEMORIAL GAME?

Whose fug reigns supreme?

  • Paula Patton (71%, 3,705 Votes)
  • Maggie Gyllenhaal (29%, 1,542 Votes)

Total Voters: 5,243

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One cannot discuss Julianne Hough’s Year of Clothing without discussing her major error in judgement this past Halloween. I mean, SERIOUSLY. But there’s so much more to her than that astoundingly dumb move. Like, this very matronly skirt. And these bizarro proportions. And this:

That whole thing starts out fine and then goes CRAAAAAZY.

This, on the other hand, was born crazy and remained crazy. This screening was on a weekend afternoon and she’s not even in the dang movie:

I still haven’t figured out what’s happening here. It’s like two dresses and a skirt and table cloth in some kind of polygamous relationship:

This, however, I do understand, and what I understand is that it is HORRIFYING:

It’s Jenny Packham and it makes me sad.

On to Abigail Breslin, who ALSO makes me sad, because her stylist is under the mistaken impression that Abigail is fifty-five years old:

And not just there. Also here, and also here (which I swear we’ve seen on Helen Mirren). And when they’re not putting her in something too matronly for someone so young and cute, things just go off the rails into Crazyville:


And I’ll take that “Um” and raise to a “UGH:”


Whose fug reigns supreme?

  • Julianne Hough (59%, 3,022 Votes)
  • Abigail Breslin (41%, 2,138 Votes)

Total Voters: 5,157

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These two are a weird match-up. It’s like CAPES versus LEGS. Although they both have a fondness for sheerness. For example:

Just in case you wondered if it were possible to create a sheer jumpsuit, it seems that the answer is — horrifyingly — YES.

On the sheer tip, this might be my least favorite sheer of the year, and that is saying A LOT:

Add a bandeau to anything and you can guarantee that I will be unmoved.

This look, at Cannes, was similarly unmoving:

Take a whirl through her archives and come back and we’ll tackle La Klum:

Oh, Heidi. You never met a dress that looked like something we could see in a saloon that you didn’t wear somewhere monstrously public:

That dress makes me want to stab myself in the hand with a fork.

This one makes me want to stab myself in a the arm with a pencil:

And this one makes me want to stab myself in the thigh with an AXE:

Heidi had a theme this year and that theme was YIKES. We also saw her wear this strange mash-up of children’s sheets, this eye-searing and unflattering number on a show allegedly show-casing her modeling skills, and also this abomination. I really thought Heidi looked better this year than last, but I’m not sure that her archives actually bear that out. The real question is:

Whose fug reigns supreme?

  • Florence Welch (34%, 1,817 Votes)
  • Heidi Klum (66%, 3,493 Votes)

Total Voters: 5,307

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