Dakota Johnson’s overall aesthetic continues to be scattershot: After yesterday’s gigantic overcoat dress, curious jumpsuit, and depressed shirt-dress, we now have this glitzy, gleaming Gucci. And, to enlist the aid of another slew of G words, it’s good. Great. Gorgeous. Glorious? That might be an overstatement. The ruffles everywhere, from afar, give it the effect of being sand art somehow, and she probably needs a wee hoik and a bracelet — or, if she refuses to hoik, a necklace might’ve been fun to explore. But garish, grotesque, and grossly underimagined it is not.

The BFI 62nd London Film Festival UK Premiere of 'Suspiria' held at the Cineworld Leicester Square - Arrivals

This is the whole Suspiria gang, sans 82-year old Lutz Ebersdorf… and yet not, because SWINTON — as many suspected but she only last week confirmed — she is Lutz Ebersdorf. You have got to read about it. She had them make a prosthetic package for her so that she could feel the weight of Lutz’s dorf. And:

The Times story also reveals that Swinton personally wrote the elaborate IMDb biography for “Lutz Ebersdorf,” detailing how his family fled from the Nazis when he was a child, extolling his education studying “Kleinian psychoanalysis,” even providing an excuse for why he’s never been heard of in show business before. The 82-year-old actor was supposedly once part of “a radical performance ensemble heavily influenced by the Vienna Actionists and in particular the work of Hermann Nitsch,” but their films from the 1950s and 60s have since been lost. The biography now redirects to Swinton’s own page.

SHE IS SOMETHING. I also love her suit, but think those shoes look about as comfortable as if you strapped a block of wood to your feet with a tiny belt. Mia Goth rounds out the trio; her Givenchy is nice on her and I want her to have a heavier eyebrow, but the girl was married to that notoriously unpleasant wingnut Shia LeBeouf, which I imagine was ALSO about as fun as strapping a block of wood to your feet with a tiny belt. Except the wood would FOR SURE be unfinished, and the belt would be spiked with itching powder. So, I’m going to cut her a break.

[Photos: WENN]