Bless you, Drew Barrymore. While the rest of this town has hunkered down with a colon cleanse — and thus, hopefully Twitter — in preparation for the Emmys, Drew is partying it up between events for Going The Distance. After yesterday’s unholy hybrid of Pocahontas and Stevie Nicks and that eccentric Fraulein Jacko stew, we’re now getting this:
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I think this is actually a cocktail made from the juices of every single cast member of Beverly Hills, 90210. Seriously, it’s a piece of everyone: Donna Martin, David Silver (he did love big shirts… and hats), a bit of Brenda, some Dylan at his worst, for sure Emily Valentine, probably some of Kelly while she was on drugs and/or recovering from being burned in a house fire, definitely a touch of Clare Arnold… and dude, you know Steve Sanders dreamed of matching blue suede shoes to his fedora. I even feel like there are flashes of Sue Scanlon, a.k.a. My Brother Scott Shot Himself In The Face So I Decided To Arrive At School Dressed Like Laura Ingalls And Then Go To The Bathroom And Change Into An Outfit Befitting The Instructor Of Jazzercise For Hos.
And this:
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That is a combination of Juliette Lewis and… well, actually, Juliette Lewis, possibly with an assist from Amy Winehouse’s hair clippings. 
Contrast all this to what Drew whipped out for the actual premiere of her movie:

Going the Distance Premiere - Los Angeles

[Photo: Splash News]

Okay, so the belt is a little much with it, but I give her points for trying something edgy. However, unless she’s hiding a suspicious rip and/or a gigantic third nipple that just yesterday sprouted from her ribcage, the dress doesn’t seem to need it — that pattern is plenty fancy all on its own, kind of like a sofa you’d see at Donald Trump’s apartment, except Trump’s would be made of actual gold and would this be the low-rent couch they allow the kids to puke on after meals. Still, aside from her two-tone hair, it’s a very cool improvement on her turn as West Beverly High’s most popular scat cat. Maybe this is perceived as the key to red carpet success in the world: Marinate in hot messitude for a while and then emerge, gilded, to general applause and a glowing light of adulation that eclipses what came before it. Too bad the Internet is forever.