SAM ROCKWELL: Hilary.
HILARY SWANK: Hi Sam! What’s new? What’s happening? What’s the dilly-oh? Or is it “dealie-oh”? Or “DILLY, YO.” Or “DEAL-Y, YO.” Or –
SAM: Please stop. You are so awkward sometimes.
HILARY: What are you talking about?
SAM: I don’t know. I don’t want to talk about it.
HILARY: You brought it up!
SAM: It’s just that I’ve been thinking about your wardrobe.
HILARY: Oh Jesus. This isn’t going to end well.
SAM: And I feel like you try a little too hard.
HILARY: IS THIS THE PART WHERE WE TALK ABOUT HOW I’M ALWAYS TRYING TO PROVE I’M A GIRL AGAIN?? I AM SO OVER THAT CONVERSATION.
SAM: No! It’s the part where we talk about how you often dress like a be-ruffled or shiny sexpot and you are totally not the sexpot type, and it’s not that people think you are a DUDE because people can tell the different between fact and fiction, like, duh, but for some crazy reason it’s like your team is really trying to make fetch happen when really they ought to embrace that you are kind of beautifully angular and would be better served — and sexier — were you to embrace that and wear things that are a bit more sparse. Like, this would be HOT on Halle Berry, but I just keep wanting to put you into a crisp white shirt. And that’s OKAY, Hilary. A girl can be sexy in a turtleneck if it’s the right turtleneck, do you feel me?
HILARY: Good Lord. You’ve really been thinking about this.
SAM: I like you and I think you’re talented and I just want to get you into something fabulously severe and navy blue! WORK WITH YOUR NATURAL SEVERITY, HIL.
HILARY: I don’t know if I can trust a man with your facial hair, Sam.
SAM: Let’s see what Fug Nation thinks: