Jessica Biel’s hair and makeup people have been knocking it out lately — she’s looking truly lovely in that department, which I guess is the best revenge when you are stuck on the poster of a movie that currently ranks an anemic SEVEN PERCENT on Rotten Tomatoes.

At first I thought this dress was drab and funereal. Then I decided the sleeves and overlay on the torso were sort of pretty. And THEN, while staring at the vortex of ruffles on her skirt, I noticed a panty line. And then some thigh. And now I’m thinking this there is a tank bodysuit in play here. It’s like she was minding her own business shoveling logs into her stepmother’s kitchen fire when out of nowhere a bunch of rodents popped up and said, “Look, okay, we got your old suit from tenth-grade swim team and some lace from your haggy guardian’s insincere widow’s weeds, and so we threw them together because girlfriend you need to GO OUT and GET SOME.”

Be better mice than they were. What would you have done? I’d ditch the clutch — potentially cute, but for daytime; it’s too heavy here — and swap in fancier bangles, and then… I don’t know, NOT base the outfit around something people used to wear to jazzercise. You?

[Photo: Pacific Coast News]