Oh, Steven. I know it’s your thing, this aesthetic — I do.

But you look like a lost member of St. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, who went on walkabout 40 years ago and just got spat out by a sandstorm in the Sahara after having spoken to nobody in decades but a sympathetic rug merchant and a cactus named Fran. I think I can smell those pants through my computer. I wonder if we’ll watch a lot of auditions from Idol hopefuls this year (that’s where he’s supposedly headed) that are extra-astonishingly nasal, because they’re trying to sing without breathing through their noses. STEVEN. You can be Steven Tyler without looking like a wilted flower child. I do believe this.


I wonder if there will be a lot of Idol hopefuls auditioning with an extra-astonishingly terrified expression on their faces, because Steven Tyler is packing a pocketknife and MAY be sporting the incisors of the last few singers to disappoint him. Or maybe sometimes he just has to cut himself out of his pants. Either way it seems like a bad idea. I hope J.Lo confiscated it on-camera. “ADIOS, LOVER,” she would say, flipping it open and hurling it with eerie precision at the door.

[Photos: Pacific Coast News]