If this weren’t sheer, I would be all over it:

If This Weren’t Sheer, by the way, is the name of the soulful album of slow jams I plan to release next year, based on the experience of covering 2013’s red carpets. You’ll love such hot tracks as “WORDS,” “Why? and “WTF?!?” as well as the album first single, “Why Don’t You Just Stab Me In The Face?” I’m probably going to open for Miley, in a totally post-modern, self-reflexive artistic statement wherein the headliner will be recreating the art I created about the headliner.

That being said, I really do think that if we could line this sucker, she could pop up on Reign and teach those anachronistic bitches some lessons. How would you fix it?

[Photo: WENN]