It’s nice to see Salma Hayek out and about looking like herself, rather than like a hybrid of herself and Rose Byrne (thank you for that — she’s ABSOLUTELY the right visual reference and I don’t know why I couldn’t produce her name on my own). She’s promoting a sequel to The Hitman’s Wife, called The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard, which I hope becomes an entire franchise that just builds on itself: The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard’s Dentist, The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard’s Dentist’s Great Aunt, The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard’s Dentist’s Great Aunt’s Cobbler. When I saw this photo of Salma, I thought, “Oh, that’s a nice outfit — cute blouse, crisp white pants, perfect for a photocall.” I was wrong about the pants:
It’s not like the reveal here is that she was wearing bellbottoms made of knives, or anything. It’s a white skirt. But imagine this with fitted white trousers or white trousers that flare out at the ankles, with pointy boots poking out underneath the hem. It’s better. Both the shape and length of this skirt is wacky on her, and the clompy sandals don’t help — the entire thing is clunky, when it could have been sleek. Like Ocean’s Twelve. You had all those ingredients and that’s what you did? Mmmkay.