There are only three more episodes to go after this and I getting worried that we’re going to end this season on an unsatisfying note, especially as the show has not yet been renewed. I mean, nothing’s more unsatisfying than the end of Models, Inc., which left one character held hostage in a Mexican brothel and another plummeting off a balcony, but still. This week’s episode managed to be charming and entertaining, and yet also several of its characters made decisions that I think are wrong-headed and found frustrating. That’s BlueBell!

Topline info:

  • No one cares about the Magnolia plot, am I right? I’m right. Ergo, I’m just going to tell you that she’s off to ANOTHER boarding school, which Brick has promised to visit regularly to keep her on the straight and narrow. Just send her to Switzerland, you guys! Swiss boarding school! It’s a classic for a reason! Three years from now (if the show is magically still on the air, which would be nice for everyone), she can come back as a totally different person. Literally. You can recast her.
  • Barry Watson and AB are mad crazy in lust for each other and bravo for them. Mayor Gainey uses this info to make Lavon CRAAAAAAZY with jealousy and torpedo his attempt to get the County Fair held in BlueBell. Lavon gets drunk, gets jealous, and tells AB that Barry Watson is just toying with her as a way to f with BlueBell. Which was inappropriate and AB is right to be infuriated with Lavon — not least because I am pretty sure Barry Watson is not a master manipulator con artist — but while AB doesn’t owe Lavon anything, it would have been mature and advisable of her to give him the heads up that she’s now dating the nephew of his biggest enemy so he doesn’t find out from said enemy. Just as a kindness to someone she presumably once loved.
  • AB’s absent from Lemon and Zoe’s lives because she’s banging Barry Watson all hours of the night and day — good for her! — and so they are forced to turn to one another for advice on all things romantic, despite their mutual antipathy.
  • Zoe is AN IDIOT and goes on a date with a jackass. That’s not why she’s an idiot — if going on a first date with a jackass makes you an idiot, we are all idiots — but GOING ON A DATE WITH A DUDE THREE WEEKS AFTER A MASSIVE HEARTBREAK IS A BAD IDEA. That’s the time when you get crazy drunk and make out with strangers and come up with an unflattering nickname for your ex (I called one of mine “RatFace” for a time; very mature), not go on real dates.  Then she decides to sell the house she just remodeled. Well, great. So glad that literally 100% of Zoe’s plot for this season has turned out to have zero lasting meaning.
  • Hot hot Robert Buckley is BACK and he’s HOT and Lemon doesn’t nail him because he’s a Travelling Man who can’t settle down in BlueBell — due to being a news producer — and she’s looking for something serious. Let me just say, with the wisdom of my accumulated years: when hot hot Robert Buckley pops into town and is all hot, NAIL HIM. GOD.
  • I’m pretty sure George is falling back in love with Lemon.
  • Vivian is the worst, and Wade deserves better. Not least because she wore an ABSURD outfit that was barely on screen, so I couldn’t get a snap of it. It was skintight pink jeans and ANOTHER MIDRIFF-BARING TOP. Ugh, Vivian. You can go now.