A reminder: Polls close after roughly 24 hours. Vote on any device, as often as you want to or can. The bracket is here, the Fug Madness FAQ is here, and if you missed the opening of the second round, start here and click forward.
Jump to: (2) Bella Hadid vs. (7) Jackie Cruz
(6) NOOMI RAPACE vs. (14) ARIEL WINTER
Not gonna lie: I was so, so surprised Ariel Winter knocked out Kate Hudson. Kate’s archive was far more expansive, and she is Academy Award Nominee KATE f’ing HUDSON, so her failures of fashion seem so egregious to me. But, as they say, that’s why they play the games. I don’t get to decide, and I like it that way. Having said that, I now think Ariel has a pretty strong case to get to the Sweet 16 and maybe beyond, because I just dug up something I forgot about:
This is a daytime premiere of a CHILDREN’S MOVIE, and she decided to wear sheer panels. As if they’re solar panels or something, and she derives all her power from very specifically geotargeted absorption of Vitamin D.
It would have been MORE surprising if we didn’t already know that Ariel has difficulty with parsing dress codes:
I will never, ever stop believing that Julie Bowen’s facial expression says, “Oh, God, no, Ariel, why didn’t you TEXT ME FIRST.”
But, you know. Let’s give credit where credit is due: Ariel Winter has gone through a lot of crazy stuff in her personal life, like emancipating from her stage mom and the body-shaming and a breast reduction at the tender age of 17, and finishing high school and getting into UCLA — all while holding down a fairly demanding day job. Shooting a long-running sitcom like Modern Family isn’t a picnic, and unless I’m missing something, I’ve never heard anything about her being derelict in her show duties or otherwise unreliable. (In fact, with Sarah Hyland sidelined now and again because of her health issues, if anything Ariel might’ve had to work a little bit extra to fill the void.) In other words: We don’t have to like her clothes, and we may indeed think they are CRAZY and that they are STRANGE CHOICES and at all what we would choose for ourselves, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have her shit together. We just don’t know.
Speaking of just not knowing, I… just do not know:
But she looks happy?
She looks like such a Junior Jenner in this, and in fact, Kendall has worn stuff with high double slits before so maybe Ariel has a Pinterest board she’s been using.
That’s not egregious; it just really felt on-theme with the Kardashian-Jenner visual comparisons. Kim would buy that. Kim probably did buy that.
I mostly embedded this to show you that she’s hanging out with a dude who wears Burt Reynolds’ face on his chest. The dress is SO Kourtney, though, also. Sometimes I think the C-list is LITTERED with people who are auditioning to be adopted by Mama Kris.
Noomi Rapace is much more of a noted kook. Her outfits are ELABORATE and they have a different kind of attitude. But… I mean, sometimes they are also still glorified flannel pajamas. Or, occasionally, mad-hella-elaborate concoctions that have twenty-three ingredients. Like this:
I assume that is a gold medal around her neck that she has won for Excellence in the Art of Whaaaaaaaat.
So that’s…. a velvet leotard over printed thick tighs, and THEN boots and a feathered coat and a wig? (She REALLY loves that wig.)
Louis Vuitton seriously just needs to blow up its ENTIRE warehouse of these bra outfits. And she also has been spied in crimson camo, Not ALL of them are insanely complicated, though.
But they are still WACKY AS ALL HELL.
And while that SEEMS simpler, it’s also FULL BODY LEOPARD with matching glasses frames. She looks like she’s playing Jamie Lee Curtis in a movie about the making of A Fish Called Wanda.
It’s just… so…. much.
Whose fug reigns supreme?
- (6) Noomi Rapace (51%, 2,899 Votes)
- (14) Ariel Winter (49%, 2,777 Votes)
Total Voters: 5,676
Spoiler: Bella Hadid is probably going to win this. I mean, y’all may disagree, and I invite you to, but I’m not sure Jackie has anything that can compete with the final photo in this sequence. But Jackie should get to have her say, and SPEAK SHE WILL. As she does here, with her giant wing-y sleeves.
That was TOTALLY stolen from a high-school drama club. So might this have been:
I can’t decide what musical she’s doing in it. Cabaret? Guys and Dolls? Chicago? Victor/Victoria? A mash-up called Victor and Victoria Take Chicago Cabaret?
That could be for some awesome Lady Zorro adaptation, which I would totally see, so get on that please Jackie.
Those are the fanciest water-wings I’ve ever seen.
And that’s basically just an ode to boob tape.
Bella also probably uses her fair share of appliances to keep things locked and in place. Her entire wardrobe is precarious. She LOVES bra tops or cut-off t-shirts that threaten to ride up and over all the things they’re meant to cover. And she has no hesitation about see-through dresses that are essentially webs of sparkles that demand a LOT of trust in one’s underpinnings.
Here she just full-on strapped things down:
And of course, she once wore a dress to Cannes that blew apart and flashed her underpants. While she was with her dad. I WOULD HAVE SCREAMED. Dad might have, too.
She also wore one of Those Diors:
This is, in fact, the second year of Fug Madness in which she’s had one of these be eligible. She is HOT FOR THIS and she should be NOT FOR THIS.
It’s even worse from the back, which is completely open except at the shoulders, and tied together. She also wore pants slit up the middle to the knees, and another shirt that’s basically tied together with side laces. And this is… I honestly think it’s a coat she turned into a dress, but not in a cute way.
… Is Jansport making blazers now?!?
Amazingly, I had blocked out her Met Gala catsuit, but NO MORE. It is now burned on my lobes:
But you know what I really most sincerely forgot? What she wore to the afterparty, and it is a doozy.
It’s so awful, and designed to look like it’s nipple covers and underpants, even though it does not appear to be see-through in any sincere way. Let that sink in: It WANT to be EVEN FUGLIER. IT YEARNS FOR FUG. IT STRIVES TOWARD FULL FRONTAL FUGACITY.
Whose fug reigns supreme?
- (2) Bella Hadid (90%, 4,636 Votes)
- (7) Jackie Cruz (10%, 522 Votes)
Total Voters: 5,158