Fug Madness 2015, Round Two: Madonna Bracket, Part One

No. 2 CHLOE GRACE MORETZ  vs. No. 7 KENDALL JENNER

The battle of the youngsters, or, Outfits They’re Going to Look Back At Eventually And Say, “Ugh, What Was I Thinking?!”

Exhibits A-Z:

OH KENDALL. Sometimes I look at what she wears and wonder if, like, Kris is just screwing with her and never actually expects her to leave the house in her suggestions. Like, THIS was a mistake:

It’s just horrifying. I cannot know that much about anyone’s waxing habits beyond my own, thanks.

And this feels like something Kim rejected:

THIS next one looks SO MUCH BETTER on her than it has any right to do (I guess this is what happens when you are a model):

Ditto:

Whereas CGM tends to go for things that are really very foofy on her, in a way that doesn’t do her adorableness as any favors as they ought:

It’s like someone decided, “let’s make Chloe look like she’s in a formal Western this year! It’ll be fun! I wonder where I put my Deadwood DVD.” And someone else (her stylist) was like, “that might not be a great choice for –” and the other person was like, “NO JUST EMBRACE MY VISION.”

Do I have to?

She herself is undeniably so cute. Can we consider this second round appearance for her a warning shot?

This next one feels like someone remembered at the last minute that her character in this movie is in a coma the whole time and realized they better Sad Her Up real fast:

Whereas this just LONGS to be a mini-skirt. I’ve literally never said this before, but looking into pants was a mistake in this instance:

And then there was the time she wore this giant flaps tied to her boobs. I don’t even know:

Of course, there is more to see in the archives — there’s almost ALWAYS more to see in the archives. See more of Kendall here; hang out with Chloe GM here.

No. 3 JESSIE J vs.No. 6 HEIDI KLUM

These two, on the other hand, are old enough to know better:

Heidi, of course, is gorgeous. I just wish she would try something DIFFERENT.

We get it.

WE GET IT.

WE GET IT.

Well, now you just look like a perfume bottle. Not THAT different, Heidi. Talk to Tim. He will help. I promise.

I’m sort of surprised Heidi didn’t get to THIS first:

And the bodice on this might appeal to her:

But I think we’d all fall over dead of shock if she were to turn up somewhere in leather overalls, over a crew-neck tee and under a giant coat:

I don’t even think Heidi ever goes anywhere cold, simply to avoid having to cover up so much of herself.

She’d dig the top bit of this:

And she’d TOTALLY be into a bejewled bib-top, right?

Both ladies obviously offer more in their archives. Heidi’s are full of her enviable legs; Jessie J’s are FULL of leather pants and overalls. Like, really full. I can prove it:

See? Told you.