Fug Madness 2014, Round Two: Madonna Bracket, Top Half

 

(1) LADY GAGA vs. (9) SOLANGE

I assume Gaga is relieved she wasn’t bested by an inanimate object. The being said, I feel like in many ways, Lady Gaga IS an inanimate object:

She’s a painting!

She’s a….yeah, I actually have no idea what this is:

Something that cannot move its arms, apparently, so in that sense, she has RENDERED herself inanimate.  In fact, how Lady Gaga moves at all is beyond me. If I were wearing whatever this is, I’d just have to be strapped onto the Hannibal Lecter dolly and rolled everywhere:

Hey, remember when Gaga kept going out in her bra? And not a “bra top,” but like LITERALLY a La Perla bra?

PS: And also chaps?

Speaking of inanimate objects:

I have to confess that I literally just thought, “she looks GREAT with that green hair!” So take that into consideration. And we cannot look back on Gaga’s Year That Was without discussing the fact that she might be turning herself into Donatella Versace:

Or maybe a stuffed animal:

At least that’s….cozy?

Speaking if inanimate objects, I think Solange is wearing a pot-holder:

And she’s definitely covered in bugs, although at least not in costume AS one. Although maybe that would have been more fun?

I know we’ve mentioned her before, but I LOVE the knowing look on the face of Awesome Pants standing behind Solange in this pic:

That looks says, “I know. It’s basically a diaper. I can’t, either.”

Speaking of I Can’t:

And finally, although I think her head looks lovely here, I cannot sign off on Solange — who is at least always INTERESTING — sporting such a snooze of a gown:

You are better than that, Solange! Just look at your archives!

And as far as archives go, you guys, Gaga’s are….they’re just…they have…it’s…WORDS.

(5) BELLA THORNE vs. (14) JADEN SMITH

Child Star Cage Match! Well, technically, Bella is — wow, I just looked it up, and she’s 16 to his 15. They could totally conceivably date. I legit thought she was 22 or 23, having seen her in person. Well, you two! Maybe being pitted against one another will lead to the blossoming of young love. Even thought Jaden is ALLEGEDLY seeing Kyle Jenner and Bella is dating some dude (or, at least, was seen at Fashion Week with some dude who kept rubbing her back). I just want people to find love!

I have NOT found love for this dress:

Nor for this jumpsuit:

Nor for whatever this thing is:

And definitely not for this dress:

I have no love. I am without love. I’m loveless.

I DO have some minor amusement, though, for Jaden’s endless red carpet mugging. Oh, Jaden. I knew the Fresh Prince. The Fresh Prince was a friend of mine. You, Jaden Smith, are no Fresh Prince:

Although he WOULD approve of those socks.

I also have to salute whomever pointed out in the previous round that Jaden is probably a mega Helana Bonham Carter fan, what with the two different colored shoes. Maybe he’s trying to mesmerize Tim Burton into casting him in something.

“Yo, ladies, Bieber’s indisposed. Can I interest you in a tall glass of Smith? Hello? No? Wait. Why not?”

“Is it because I’m wearing a tunic covered in religious iconography? Is that not swaggy? I NEED ADVICE.”

Archives? You got it. Here are Bella’s; and Jaden’s are not so far behind.