Let’s start with the good news:
Tate Donovan is at the ESPYs. Actually, that’s not even good or bad news; it’s just NEWS, as in, “Why is the dude from Space Camp at the ESPYs?” Yes, even with Damages and The O.C. and dating Jennifer Aniston, he will always be The Dude From Space Camp to me.
Towering over him is Kerri Walsh, and I’m showing you this because it at least looks decent on her, and I wanted you to have a happy thought before I hit you with what she wore the day before:
Let’s begin by being all Ron Obvious about this: Your skin color should not be the same shade as an Olympic medal. ANY of them. Beyond that, though, this whole look is toxic. Kerri Walsh had a baby in April, and she is clearly bouncing back from that admirably; also, we’ve all seen her basically naked on a beach volleyball court, so we know her body is the longest and leanest and strongest thing there is — like a fireman’s pole but with sinew. She is enviable regardless of how recently there was a baby in there. So this gold-leaf tragedy should be arrested and charged with grievous bodily harm. LOOK AT HER. How hard can it be to find something that glorifies that form instead of sabotages it? If she can’t do it, then I might as well give up and order ten Etsy caftans.