So, Shailene Woodley here is apparently this year’s Anna Kendrick — she’s in a movie with Intern George, she’s getting her name mentioned in the same sentence as “Oscar” without it being followed by the words “the Grouch” or “Meyer,” and she is someone whose other body of work is essentially forgettable (or, in the case of Secret Life, memorable for its absurd awkwardness and the weird feeling that the entire cast’s “secret life” is that it is actually a collection of paper dolls). I really, really hope she gets nominated JUST so that ABC Family can run promos of her talking to the bouffant she’s married to on Secret Life, with the graphic “Academy Award nominee Shailene Woodley” over it. Please Jebus. That said, good on her, and I’ve heard The Descendants is truly great. Except:

She is really going to need stylist help. You can’t show up to the Oscars wearing a combination of a poncho, a fisherman’s net, and that bag they kept all the basketballs in when I had high-school gym. That’s not the secret life of an American teen; that’s the secret life of a contestant on Project Runway:  Hoarders.