ENGLAND! I’m very excited. I felt so good when they scored first, and then suddenly they went flaccid again, just like always. Turns out I guess they just wanted to open and close the match the same way. Bless you, Harry Kane, and your flair for the dramatic. But seriously, y’all, it’s okay to score THE WHOLE TIME, if you like. Try it next time.
In other news, Belgium won 3-0, setting up the Belgium-England clash (a week from Thursday) to be meaningful and good AND STRESSFUL FOR ME if England doesn’t win its next one against Panama. Sweden and South Korea also faced off, and Sweden took it 1-0.