Well! We certainly have a lot to discuss, as much has transpired for these two this week! Wills and Kate — responding to criticism that they skipped The Handing Out of the Shamrocks last year for no good reason — handed out Ye Olde Shamrocks today before flying off Paris (they’ve got a visit to Paris this weekend, which we will of course we covering at length). HOWEVER, the mild irritation expressed by various folks last year when they skipped this event is nothing compared to the scandale currently simmering over the fact that Wills chose not to attend Commonwealth Day on Monday and instead spent the weekend in Verbier skiing with friends, dancing very dorkily in clubs, and high-fiving random blondes. (That link goes to The Sun, which broke the story. I know some of you would rather not give them your clicks; Vanity Fair also has good coverage and I’m not saying that just because they quoted me.)

I have thoughts:

a) Andrew was in Verbier that same weekend — with Fergie! You know they’re still doing it — and he made it back for Commonwealth Day. AIR MILES ANDY, Wills.  You cannot have Andrew (who is already salty about his kids not getting enough to do) looking better than you do. You could have made it back.

b) I know that Kate and Wills Defenders — of which I usually am one, as you all know! — will point out that Commonwealth Day was never on their calendars. Given how much shit they get for not showing up and doing their part, choosing not to attend this church service, when everyone else was present unless they were literally out of the country on the Queen’s business, seems tone-deaf no matter what. Show up, you guys. Come on. It’s like half of your day. This is literally your job. Y’all have gotten so much leeway in terms of “letting them be normal and happy” but we all go to religious functions that are important to our grandma even when we don’t want to. The truth is that Not Doing Enough is literally the number one complaint about them, and it’s so easy to fix. Some public figures get dinged for something about their persona that is hard to address because either public opinion is already baked in or it’s an intangible about their personality — think, Hillary Clinton getting heat for coming across like too much of a nag, or Mitt Romney seeming like a robot — but this is very easy to address! Just show up, y’all.

c) So, to not show at all would have been a bad idea. But to not show and be off carousing? Is astonishing to me. This entire fiasco feels like childish rebellion on William’s part, and it reflects poorly on him, and it’s disappointing. You may not want to be king, sir — and, indeed, sometimes it feels as if the monarchy will end when Elizabeth’s reign does — but you’re in line for the gig, so suck it up and do your job. You’re a grown man. Act like it.  Related: I am sure there are some people who told you this was a real bad idea and they were right. Listen to someone next time, or apparently this will keep happening, and patience has been stretched to the limit.

d) As far as Kate — who, as you know, I am also quite fond of — goes, I understand that she might have chosen not to attend Commonwealth Day solo so as not to draw more questions about William’s whereabouts, but in retrospect, might have been advisable to show up and represent Team Cambridge and split the difference. Like, we’re gonna notice his absence even if he hadn’t been drunkenly raising the roof in the club the night before, so might as well pop on over.

e) Having said this: I (and Vanity Fair) suspect Kate is steamed with William about this and so should she be. For one thing, his behavior opens doors to speculation about the state of their marriage, which really sucks for her. Let me be clear: I do not think anything spectacularly untoward is happening with regards to their relationship. But why give the press the ammunition? You know it will be used against you. (There is, in fact, a totally unfounded rumor right now that a kiss and tell story is being shopped — this may not be true; and even if a story is being shopped, it doesn’t mean said story is true — and of course there is. That’s a rumor that’s easy to come up and people love to spread ‘em.)

f) Kate’s got a new coat here — bespoke Catherine Walker — and I love it.

g) Have a drink, you two. You probably need one:

[Photos: Getty Images]