From the cell phone files of Shania Twain

SHANIA: Hey. I’m up for CMA Entertainer of the Year this time. I need to bring it.

STYLIST: You need to impress them much?

SHANIA: I want to feel like a woman. But also maybe like a sunburn.


SHANIA: Go with me on this. I’m picturing a tube top. Bright pink.


SHANIA: Then we throw in hotpants.

STYLIST: Wait, WITH a tube top? Isn’t that–

SHANIA: And they’re the same pink. And then I’m thinking a duster.

STYLIST: You mean like a long trench? What if we did it in leather–

SHANIA: No, it’s gotta be pink. A matching pink.

STYLIST: Are we sure that’s not–

SHANIA: And HUGE lapels. Oh and don’t forget the hat!

STYLIST: You can’t throw on a random brown cowboy hat with–

SHANIA: In pink. It HAS TO match. And gloves. I want to look like I was lying on my yacht with nothing but Hawaiian Tropic oil on, for four hours. Match, match, match.

STYLIST: Okay, so shoes, then.

SHANIA: Boots.

STYLIST: Same pink.

SHANIA: Ew, no, are you nuts?

STYLIST: I just….

SHANIA: That’s taking it too far. I’m disappointed in you. They’ve gotta be baby pink.

STYLIST: … Can I at least put a chandelier around your neck?

SHANIA: That’s the most sensible thing you’ve said all day.

STYLIST:  You’re still the one, Shania.

[Photo: Michael S Green/AP/Shutterstock]