These spandex thigh boots cost $1400, should you, too, yearn to look like you are wearing shoe-pants. Given that Salma’s husband runs the company that owns Balenciaga, it’s surprising to me that someone else wore these to the Met — someone who, herself, was not in head-to-toe Balenciaga, so it isn’t even as if the house had an overall deal with her. I assume Salma swept into their hotel suite afterward like the Queen of Hearts and bellowed, “Someone’s head is going to ROLLLLL for this.”

Let’s begin with her.

The weird thing about Salma is, half the Gucci and McQueen nonsense she wore in the past year — both out and about, and to red carpets — were ALL more florid and loud and discordant, in a way that would’ve fit this theme way better than a basic black wrap dress. This is the thing you keep around for funerals.

Also… are those boots so long on Salma because she herself is pint-size, or did she have hers turned into pants? Because you can see the tops on Lily:

This gown is Ralph Lauren, so I can’t totally fathom how this all came together, although the boots are admittedly what give it life. In fact, all the styling is crucial; as weird as the veil is, like she’s still afraid of various flu strains, apparently her hairdresser whipped it up as an accessory because Rei Kawakubo is a frequent user of tulle, and they had every color on-hand before deciding — correctly — that it shouldn’t be neutral. The longer I look at this, the more I like it despite my misgivings about the dress itself, and think the whole package is a super addition to the evening. But despite all those excellent reasons to give Lily the win, I’m handing it to her for one thing: the fact that she traveled to the Met by party bus so she could stand up the whole way and not wrinkle anything. BY PARTY BUS. Fifty points to Gryffindor.

[Photos: Getty]