This is a special alert for the Stretch Velvet Intervention Squad.
We have a man down. Repeat: We have a man down. Subject was seen leaving a hotel in some kind of skintight quasi-tunic, which may have been a rejected prototype for a Disney Store turtleneck. Be on alert for acts of regret, ceaseless itching, and possibly an anguished yawp. No need to apprehend the subject, but try to maintain a safe distance and avoid contagion. Containment of the scourge is urgent. Resistance is necessary.
Well, look, those pants don’t fit as well as they could, but her shoes are gorgeous, and I don’t even mind the blazer. Yes, it looks like Gucci for Target, but she’s young. She can pull that off without looking like a high-end Pepper from an Upper East Side Annie. It’s MUCH better than Attack of the Velvet.