Paris Jackson here is attending a party for Paris Hilton’s new clothing line with Boohoo. If I’ve done my homework correctly, the gods have foretold that when two Parises appear at the same event, an ancient curse is unleashed upon the proceedings, dooming the younger of the Parises to drape each of her limbs in the dusty bedroom curtains of the most dramatic granny within a three mile radius. The only way to release Paris The Younger from this tragic fate is for her to compose a draught composed of the hair of a beloved purse dog, three teaspoons of the best-selling Britney Spears perfume¬†Curious,¬†and a Red Bull. So, given the occasion, I think she’ll be fine.

[Photo by Owen Kolasinski/BFA/REX/Shutterstock]