Aw, the summer is almost officially over. And I STILL didn’t learn to surf. Maybe in 2013.  Given that Monday is Labor Day here in the United States, Heather and I will be taking it off in order to stare wistfully out the window and think about all the lifeguards we didn’t make out with. Well, maybe that will just be me, given that she is married. Maybe she can wistfully think about all the lifeguards I didn’t make out with, on my behalf. Regardless, we’ll be back with new posts on TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 4th. Go make out with a lifeguard.

– I just noticed this is our 11,000th post. Thanks for being there for all of them, Fug Nation. We love you.

– You guys, they found a 98-year-old message in a bottle! It only went ten miles. And it was just part of some kind of UNROMANTIC navigational something or other. (I really wanted it to be a love letter, obviously. Ooooh, or a letter full of PIRATE SECRETS.) But it’s still an interesting story. (Time)

– Refinery29 did another series of photos of people getting married at New York City Hall and yes, I cried at this one too. (Refinery29)

Go on a ride with the TMZ tour bus. A tour bus I am ALWAYS STUCK BEHIND IN TRAFFIC. GO FASTER, TMZ TOUR BUS. (New York Times)

– I like T. Swift a lot, but there is definitely something weird going on with this Conor Kennedy relationship. DON’T WRITE A SONG ABOUT ME, TAYLOR.(Celebitchy)

– Here’s Wills and Kate’s itinerary for their tour of Asia. They will be dining with the King of Malaysia and several Malaysian heads of state. Here’s hoping no one plays “Relax.” (Gawker)

– Speaking of, The Duchess Diary this week made cupcakes with fascinators (video). So cute! (Socialite Life)

– Elizabeth Olsen looks kind of cute with pink hair. (Tom and Lorenzo)

– You probably want to read the entire $46,000 bill that got Lilo banned from the Chateau Marmont. She reads Architectural Digest and watches a lot of PPV! (Curbed)

– Speaking of Lindz, you MUST look at these pictures of her in costume as Liz Taylor. WHEN DOES THAT MOVIE PREMIERE IT IS GOING TO BE TERRIBLE. I can’t WAIT to Fug-Cap it. (Vulture)

Elle editors search for the perfect red Chanel lipstick. My current perfect red lipstick is one third Wet N Wild, one third Nars, one third Chapstick. Reapplication in the car is basically impossible. (Elle)

–Deadspin takes on the college football top 25 in hilarious (and very rude, you are forewarned if you are rooting for anyone in the top 25. Or Notre Dame.) fashion. (Deadspin)

Here are some quirky cookbooks for you. Oooh, there’s one that is all Sriracha. I LOVE Sriracha! (Flavorwire)

If Katy Perry and R Pattz hook up….well, I actually don’t think I would be that surprised, but there is something about that combo that I find hilarious. He’s so low key and scruffy, and she’s got fireworks coming out of her boobs half the time. I feel like this also might enrage K Stew, which would also be entertaining from the gossip-lovers standpoint. (Lainey)

– Speaking of Twilight, it turns out there were terrible YA vampire books even before its existence. (Forever YA)

– I laughed out loud at Rebel Wilson reading this passive-aggressive note she got from her new neighbor. (Yes, this is video.) (LAist)