I know exposed zippers are all the rage, but I tend not to be a fan. Obviously sometimes when they’re worked into the design in an edgy way, they can make sense; by and large, though, they’re too distracting. It’s the same reason I abhor clear shoes or tons and tons of toe cleavage: There is nothing sexy about peeling back those curtains. The way feet pinch and scrunch into shoes isn’t an alluring peekaboo so much as a surefire way to make people wince and wonder if you need to sit down for a second, and when you’re looking more at what’s fastening a dress than you are at the actual dress, to me that bespeaks a design mistake. Don’t give people an excuse to look at the tree rot in some of your majestic oaks, when the forest itself looks really stellar from a distance, you know?
So pardon me for being unable to gauge this dress, but I’m too busy staring at the giant metal teeth ripping through her right side, with what looks like a matching hanky — but is probably just a weirdly placed ruffle — cleaving itself to her hip. It’s messier than my room, and when you consider that I haven’t had a chance to put away my laundry in three days, that’s saying rather a lot.