Nobody cares about the NFL’s Pro Bowl. Nobody even remembers that the NHL has an all-star game. People know about baseball’s, but it’s not a red-carpet affair. So why is the NBA’s all-star weekend such a big deal? My guess: Because of the clothes. (Two words: CHARTREUSE SATIN. Seriously, if you make it no further in this slideshow, you must at least get to slide 5, starring Darryl Dawkins and some awesomeness from his Wikipedia page.)

Amar’e Stoudamire here, fresh from the Tommy Hilfiger show at Fashion Week, clearly did not get the memo, as he’s resolutely clinging to a very respectable and distinguished Cuddly Professor look. Fortunately, not everyone was so restrained — and yes, that’s players AND celebrities. Come with me on a whirlwind tour of what people wore, and see why this event must never, ever be cancelled.