You’re probably expecting me to look at this and sniff, “Ugh. PIRATE WENCH. Hem your skirt to the knee, fair knave.”

But no. The length works on her, and the dress fits her like a glove. The straps maybe aren’t my favorite stylistic detail of all time, but she looks so well-supported everywhere that it’s hard to be mad at them — on the theory that, if they weren’t there, perhaps she’d be tugging the bodice up all night and that would leave no time for high-fives with Miss Piggy. And that’s not okay; in Amy’s place, that’s how I would spend the entire evening, because WHEN can you guarantee that will ever happen again? So I forgive. It’s also worth noting how great her face and hair and figure look. I’m sure this is not news to Amy, but credit where credit is due. She could teach my skin a more than a few things about aging.

So NOW you might be wondering, “Sounds like a Well Played to me. Where’s the beef?”

It’s mostly this zipper/seam.Would this not look cleaner if it were also red? Because the cream stripe draws the eye right to it, and really, there are so few times in life where I want people to look directly at my Prime Meridian. To the point where I can’t imagine anyone thinking, “Oh, sure! Crack it up!” Unless that person is married to Ice-T and thinks thongs are trousers. It’s not a HUGE beef, maybe — more a filet mignon in size than a Porterhouse. But I think it’s worth a really long poll, don’t you?

This outfit is, in Muppet terms:

  • Miss Piggy: sassy, awesome, basically perfect. (48%, 4,022 Votes)
  • Kermit: pretty nice, but sometimes a little bit of a snore, if I'm being honest (13%, 1,100 Votes)
  • Gonzo: of confusing origins (11%, 945 Votes)
  • The Swedish Chef: I just flat-out don't understand a bit of it (3%, 241 Votes)
  • Beaker: perky, trying endearingly hard, rarely succeeding (12%, 964 Votes)
  • Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: sensible, hairless (2%, 163 Votes)
  • Fozzie: desperate for attention to call his own (3%, 222 Votes)
  • Sam the Eagle: noble, crabby, the secret hero (2%, 171 Votes)
  • Statler and Waldorf: all talk and no action (2%, 129 Votes)
  • What are Muppets? (1%, 86 Votes)
  • HUSH UP NOW. (4%, 331 Votes)

Total Voters: 8,374

Loading ... Loading ...

[Photos: Getty]

Tags: Amy Adams