Fug Madness 2018, Round 1: Behold, A HADID

A reminder: The photos we show aren’t the ONLY ones in consideration; just a representative sample of everything worn from after the Oscars in 2017, all the way through the Oscars that just finished (so, March 2, 2017, to March 5, 2018). Polls close after roughly 24 hours. Vote on any device, as often as you want to or can. The bracket is here, the Fug Madness FAQ is here, and if you missed the first 16 matchups from yesterday, start here with the Cher Bracket and click forward.

WHO IS IN THIS GAME? Good question. If you want to go directly to a specific match-up, just click on it. We’ve got:

(6) Noomi Rapace v. (11) Jennifer Hudson – (3) Kate Hudson v. (14) Ariel Winter – (7) Jackie Cruz v. (10) Charlize Theron – (3) Bella Hadid v. (15) Maren Morris

(6) NOOMI RAPACE v. (11) JENNIFER HUDSON

Noomi Rapace, it must be said, is MUCH cooler than I am or ever shall be, and in writing this post I realized I kind of love the way she dresses even when it’s bad. (Like, she looks cool in this despite the fact that it’s a PATTERNED ONESIE under a leather duster.) That out of the way, sometimes it IS bad. Her seed is as high as it is because of this next look, which is AWFUL. It, in fact, was so heinous that Joel Edgerton literally gave her his jacket in the middle of the photocall:

While we’re on the subject, Louis Vuitton MUST be stopped. It’s not even like she can’t look cool in their crazy shit, because she CAN. But that line of GIANT BRASSIERES is pure evil.

This is VERY DENIM:

This was v. v. gilded:

And this is a whole lot of look:

Speaking of a whole lot of look, here are Noomi’s archives!

I would sort of like to see Jennifer wear some of Noomi’s wardrobe, because I think also might look cool in some of it. They might also fit her boobs better than this does? And they might be more interesting than this is. They also might be better lined than this is, OR this is. This seems okay….

Until you see the sleeve she’s hiding behind Clive there.

This seems normal until you look at it and realize that’s literally a tee shirt…under…a one-boobed….dress?

This is ALSO extremely perplexing from, like, a logistical level?

She also had a run of wearing dresses that were just too snug for her. Like, this color is great, but it’s made for a person who is shorter, I think (and that ruffle is made for no woman):

This is a bridesmaid’s dress from 1985 that shrunk in the wash:

And this is ALSO bridesmaidal in a way that feels like the bride herself got really tired of wedding planning and gave up after 15 minutes.

I WANT MORE FOR YOU JENNIFER! You are not always the bridesmaid, after all — careerwise, you have often been the metaphorical bride. I want you to be dressed accordingly!

Here are Jennifer’s archives, if you need further research before you vote.

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(3) KATE HUDSON v. (14) ARIEL WINTER

So, Kate went out SO MUCH MORE this year than I remembered; this is also the year, of course, that most of us said, “Oh, Kate Hudson looks cute with a buzzcut.” (Like, compare all those looks to this, with her usual hair [where she is also kinda dressed like Stephen Tyler]. She really has the face for a super short cut.)

At the time, Heather said — and I agree today — that this looks like an expensive bag of oranges:

I screamed when I saw this on TV. I truly think it’s one of the worst looks of the whole year:

Almost everything in this particular slideshow is bad, but THIS is especially perplexing:

I sincerely SINCERELY would not be surprised to see that pop up on Blanche on a rerun of The Golden Girls. 

This might have appealed to Dorothy, to be honest:

This is dumb on basically everyone except, like, Millie Bobby Brown, who would look cute in it:

(Although, again, this short hair is super fetching on her.) I don’t know what to say about the next one, except that I always like to give you a little Sterling K Brown, and also this dress on Kate would be perfect for margs on the deck but not a winter party in a hotel suite:

Truly, I hardly ever say this, but I think Kate had a WORSE year than I remember. You can see more in her archives. But I WILL leave you with this, which seems to be disintegrating?

And Ariel actually didn’t come out a lot this year. If I recall correctly, she may be at UCLA now — go Bruins! — and I assume her studies are perhaps keeping her too busy to go to a ton of events. When she did go out, she looked a bit more…let’s say “regular” than usual. Like, this was normal enough for her demographic, at Knott’s Scary Farm. And this is totally fine.

This, I feel like she’s going to look back at in twenty years and be like, “I don’t even know, okay?”

And she’s going to look at THIS and be like, “look, what I couldn’t tell anyone at the time was that JULIE BOWEN TOLD ME THE DRESS CODE WAS ‘COCKTAIL DANCING WITH THE STARS! She sabotaged me!”

And she’s gonna look at this and just smile and shrug. “We were all young once,” she’ll say.

Ariel also OBVIOUSLY went to Coachella, and I have to admit that while I have real notes about the fact that I think she’s just wearing a literal actual bra under her short-alls….this pink hair is kinda rad?

Here are Ariel’s archives. NOW VOTE:

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(7) JACKIE CRUZ v. (10) CHARLIZE THERON

I want to open this by noting that the cast of Orange Is The New Black, to which Jackie belongs, is always a pleasant delight at Fashion Week and gives very entertaining interviews, reliably. And Jackie is ALSO entertaining sartorially. Successful? Not always. But NOTEWORTHY? For sure. She definitely likes fashion — she went to Paris Fashion week last year, and she looked VERY cute at Kate Spade this season — but it doesn’t ALWAYS love her back. To wit:

I mean, it’s….jazzy?  She does like a look that implies she might be headlining a reboot of Chicago (and I kinda want that to happen now).

This look, at the Globes, wasn’t terrible, but it WAS poorly styled. And speaking of poorly…this is making me FEEL poorly:

This sincerely makes my face hurt:

She loves a stripe, and the truth is that this is kind of fun, except her sleeves are out of control.

Did someone say OUT OF CONTROL SLEEVES?

And finally, I leave you with a philosophical query:

Can ANYONE truly wear a yellow velvet jumpsuit?

Here are Jackie’s archives! Luxuriate them before we move onto Charlize, and the things that Dior has done to her this year.

All of the following looks are Dior. I present them without comment.

Okay, I have one comment. CHARLIZE, DROP THE DIOR CONTRACT.

Behold all that Charlize has to offer. (There are a few non-Dior efforts.) And then…

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(2) BELLA HADID v. (15) MAREN MORRIS

In which a powerhouse in the form of Ms Bella Hadid enters Thunderdome. I wonder if she’s wearing her plastic boots? Oh, Ms Hadid has taken us on a JOURNEY this year, including a period where she may have started turning into Jennifer Lawrence? And oh the things she’s worn! She wore a perplexing ball gown! She wore a late-season 90210 costume! She wore this excruciating Dior! She wore…this…whatever this is! She wore nipple graphics! And NEVER FORGET:

FYI, the back of that shirt is just TIED TO HER with like ONE STRING. In fact, so much of Bella’s wardrobe makes me turn into the Dread Pirate Roberts and whisper, “dear god, what is that thing?” Like this parade of WTF I have complied for you:

Dear.

God.

What.

Is.

This.

Thing.

!!!!

And this doesn’t even make a dent in her body of work for this year. For more: Bella’s archive! There’s SO MUCH in there. Like this plaid get-up! Or this brutal pairing! Or this sheer sparkly gown at Cannes!  Or this exercise in suspenders! Or these BOOB PATCHES! Or this Surely Painful Body Suit! Or…anyway. It’s a lot. A LOT. SO MUCH.

Can Maren take her down? I gotta be honest and say: I HIGHLY DOUBT IT, but also you never know. This is a good start:

She is talented and cute and this year her team was devoted to dressing her like a Kardashian we only just noticed. Behold:

Exhibit B:

It’s VERY JennerDashianHadid to wear a sports bra as a top. And LITERALLY I think a KardashiJenner has worn this:

Aim elsewhere, sweet child!

Need more research? Here’s Maren’s archive!

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