As a refresher: Half of each of the four brackets plays today, and the rest of Round one tips off tomorrow (Friday), so to speak. The photos and links in each matchup post are NOT the only outfits eligible; rather, they’re a representative sample of the body of work. Polls close after 24 hours, so if you like to research your choices — on our site, Getty Images, Google, whatever — have at it and just make sure you vote before the game ends. If you need a primer on how all this works, peruse the FAQ; if you forgot your bracket, click here. And, most importantly, have fun!
2. CHLOE GRACE MORETZ vs. 15. LI BINGBING
Sometimes, once we get to writing these, I groan to myself, “Oh, we seeded that person in totally the wrong spot.” Case in point: Li Bingbing, who would have missed this altogether were it not for her Transformers press tour wardrobe. But WHAT A WARDROBE IT WAS:
It’s A ROMPER AND SHEER PANTS. No, not even pants. LEG BAGS.
And of course this terrifying window, above which a wintry orgy is happening on her pelvis.
And for good measure, she dressed up as Big Bird’s most dangerous temptress. She also wore this incredibly ugly Giambattista Valli, in a rare departure from sheers, although there is a tiny sternum keyhole. So, while she didn’t hit a ton of visible (to us) promotional circuits, she picked outfits for maximum shriek-inducement for the premieres we did see.
Don’t hand her the win just yet, though. On the other side of the battle: Chloe Grace Moretz, who was ALL OVER TOWN this past year, and did it in a variety of outfits that were creatively hideous. It’s really easy to look awful in all of the above, and it’s equally easy to FIND that stuff because it’s ALL OVER THE PLACE on every runway. But I don’t know how Chloe even thought to LOOK for this shiny nightmare:
That blouse is what they bestow upon the winner of the talent show aboard the Tartanic.
This is McQueen, and just… should never have happened to her. She also changed into it from a fatally drab strapless Miu Miu gown, which is basically the opposite of Li Bingbing’s choices — again, easy to look ridiculous in sheers, but Chloe got brought down by a high-fashion duvet.
This frock has BOOB LOOPS. No, it’s quite true, you can see them here.
And this monstrosity is like someone asked a Fanning to make a Goth outfit out of something from Wet Seal. She also wore some insane tin-foil formal shorts, a hideous country-and-western Chanel at the Met Ball, fancy six-pack netting, and this INCREDIBLY stodgy old thing. I mean, Nicole Kidman wore the full-length version of the top and looked more youthful in it than Chloe did in that ensemble.
So this first clash in Bjork is pretty mighty: The obvious fug of the sheer, versus the arguably more creative fug of just bad, bad, bad decisions. Drop by their archives — Li Bingbing, although you’ve about seen it all, and Chloe Grace Moretz — if you need help deciding, and then VOTE.
Whose fug reigns supreme? [Meaning: Which one is worse and should advance.]
- Chloe Grace Moretz (58%, 3,946 Votes)
- Li Bingbing (42%, 2,839 Votes)
Total Voters: 6,785
Ms. J is a perennial Fug Madness top seed, thanks to her outrageous performance catsuits. Luckily, even with those off the table this year, she delivered on the red carpet front as well.
And on her OWN front, via this sparkly bib. That string right there, Jessie? That tenuous little thread yoking this to your pants? That doesn’t make this a jumpsuit. It’s still a spangled dickey and pants. (When does a bib become a dickey, by the way? Or vice versa? These are the existential questions we must face today.) Jessie likes to live on the edge with her chest, as evidenced by this dress, the ENTIRE focus of which is her festival of sideboob.
Does that make this one an Innerboob Carnival?
And this one combines both her loves: An open torso and a jumpsuit. She’s hitting all her favorite marks. Indeed, in past years she’s been nominated for all kinds of crimes involving leather, and she deployed two this time around:
Lest you think she’s afraid of patterns, though, let me disabuse you of that notion: She totally ruined this one by overdosing on it, and this one is a very body-swallowing art deco craft project.
This one, I like to call Dear God, No. She’s not afraid of patterns, but maybe she ought to be.
But more importantly, should she fear Willa? Welcome in, newbie:
My guess is, if you keep this up, we’ll be seeing you ’round these parts for a few years. That thing is the cheapest plaid Bed In A Bag I have ever seen.
Jess made a comment on the original post that in 50 years, she’ll wear this as pants. And now whenever I look t it and realize it ISN’T pants, I get disappointed somehow. But it’s still tired.
As is this. My GOD, woman, there is nothing more flat-out exhausted to the bone than sheers. She looks like a ballerina being fitted for her Black Swan costume. Don’t waste that adorable bob and that face on TOTAL NONSENSE, CHILD. Although actually that sentiment could apply to every single person in this contest, Jessie J included.
Whose fug reigns supreme?
- Jessie J (90%, 5,925 Votes)
- Willa Holland (10%, 666 Votes)
Total Voters: 6,591
These two could not be more sartorially opposed. Keira spent her entire pregnancy as covered up as possible, and Heidi showed up to the Oscars wearing her pubic bone as an accessory:
Not to be confused with the time she merely wanted us to THINK she was using her pubic bone as an accessory:
Nor the time she showed up looking like she’d been TP’d by Paris Hilton for Charmin:
And of course, there was still your run-of-the-mill Klum stuff. Like this potentially stunning pink piece that was typically short and tight and see-through instead of show-stopping. And of course her standard Versace:
I really want to challenge Heidi Klum to go a year without Versace. Let’s make her wear, say, Erdem, Roksanda Ilincic, some Ralph & Russo for variety, and Oscar de la Renta. Let’s just SEE.
Keira did not spend this ENTIRE eligibility period pregnant, or else that would have been some serious Lillith Crane stuff.
Instead, she kicked it off at the Serpentine’s gala with a dress that desperately needed to be cut off at the knees. And then possibly also at the waist, and then separated and connected to other things. These three puzzle pieces don’t fit, although the top two could be those ones that you think are 93 percent for sure a match but if you accidentally leave them together for too long then it throws off the entire rest of the picture.
This next one is a total scrolldown:
People liked this at the time a lot better than I like it right at this moment. Her lipstick is a fun change on her, but I don’t really like the big frowny swath of beads over her crotch, and the bottom of that bit is frayed, and then just wispy… it’s a mixed bag, and one which I choose to leave outside for the Rescue Mission. I would put this toothache of a Chanel in with it.
She kicked off awards season with what you’d get if the Lambs & Ivy crib bedding company did a Silence of the Lambs-themed set.
It’s Chanel, and it’s awful regardless of what is happening in your womb. She also FINISHED awards season in something that ALSO looks like terrible kiddie bedroom decor, so I guess that might tell us exactly where her mind has been (understandably). She truly didn’t know what to do with her body, or else she probably wouldn’t have put it in this pleated poof, or this explosion of stumpy weirdness, Or this:
Take the skirt, turn it into a dress, and then come back to me.
Whose fug reigns supreme?
- Heidi Klum (71%, 4,721 Votes)
- Keira Knightley (29%, 1,893 Votes)
Total Voters: 6,614
Gwen is largely here because of her controversial Emoji Period. Which is like Picasso’s blue period, except on some BIG hallucinogens.
These might actually be demerit badges from a rogue troop of ne’er-do-well scouts.
I wonder if she licked the back of one of those acid frogs. And if you think these can’t possibly get any uglier…
… throw in a semi-sheer bodysuit, and VOILA: Your breakfast may revisit your mouth.
But lest you think Gwen didn’t wear anything else questionable, a LOT of people really hated this silvery Versace that she wore to the Emmys. And at the Grammys we got this:
It’s not her worst, but I don’t love the pants that are baggy up top and snug and bunched at the bottom. It’s not cool-weird enough to get her usual hall pass, and not attractive enough to get by on its own merits. Sorry, G. I can’t holla back, girl.
Let’s ease into Kendall’s arsenal with some bad pants.
Really bad pants. Partial pants. They’re the leg version of hotel windows where you have the filmy drape and then a light-blocking shade on top of it. Which I never understand. If I want the natural light, I don’t want a translucent curtain, and when I want no light then all I need is the opaque shade. Don’t let the curtain lobby fleece you, hoteliers.
Kendall also basically wore a bra to the VMAs and a see-through dress to the AMAs (the grievous sin of which is that it actually might’ve been awesome if it were lined), and a bodysuit that terrifies ladycrotches the world over to the Billboard Music Awards. Music-themed shows, thus, are catnip to her lesser instincts. None more so than the Much Music Video Awards, at which she blinded Canada with this empty science:
Once you get past the pelvis, I actually want to point you to the fact that EITHER her shoes are tied so tightly that she’s cutting off the circulation to the high part of her ankle, or she just forgot to bronze that strip.
Oh, and remember her backward backpack dress? Or this festival of insanity from Coachella?
I can’t wait until she and Kylie start a pop-up shop every April called Koachella. (Note that we totally could have included Kylie this year, BUT I need to ease my way into these people. We already have Kim in here; I can only let one other one in at a time, for my own sanity. Right?)
I saved the worst for last, though.
Yep. It’s still as hilarrible as it was the first time.
Whose fug reigns supreme?
- Kendall Jenner (79%, 5,227 Votes)
- Gwen Stefani (21%, 1,379 Votes)
Total Voters: 6,606