Over at Cosmo, we’re handing out our traditional awards for last night’s proceedings. Who will win Best Oscar Isaac? What about Most Likely to Come With a Matching Unicorn? Or Best Advertisement for Marchesa? And who was informed of the following?

OK, we get it. You want us to remember that you’re still alive. Consider it done. Please. (Also: We’re mildly concerned that your giant choker is holding your head on. It’s not, right? Right?)

Find out over at Cosmo today!