Christina here is the voice of the Dancing Girl emoji in, yes, The Emoji Movie, which comes out in two weeks or something. And when I read that, it got me wondering whether she’d be trotted out on the promotional trail, or stay in her recent semi-cocoon. You can guess which lane I wandered down next. You will really, really, REALLY shriek at some of these early aughts gems, many of which I forgot existed. The PANTS. The BRUNETTE PHASE. The BRONZER. It’s an ocular feast.

[Photos: Getty]