Bjork Bracket, Round Two: Actresses Fight Musicians

In which Cinderella story and unusual-top enthusiast Halsey takes on Nicole Kidman, and ovary dress-lover Tove Lo tackles Dakota Johnson, albeit not literally. In other words: Two highly seeded actress take on two musicians who never shy away from bold red carpet statements. WHO WILL PREVAIL? That is up to you. Remember: polls are open for a mere twenty-four hours, so do not tarry. Also, as ever, photos here are but a portion of the whole, so bear that in mind when you vote. ENJOY!

(2) Nicole Kidman vs. (10) Halsey

To begin with, as I start nearly ever post about La Kidman: I actually love Nicole. I think she’s so talented; I love her face; I feel like we’ve been through a lot together over the last twenty years; I kinda just want her to be happy. That said, she has made SOME CHOICES. I loved her green macaw dress at the SAGs, but it was definitely divisive and I understand why:

Her McQueen at the Globes was less divisive, and also less popular:

This Erdem was a mess, and I say that as someone with a high Erdem tolerance (and a person who thinks Erdem makes sense with Nicole’s general look):

This was SO twee:

A LOT of her looks we put up to a vote: The Brandon Maxwell feels like it was close, but no cigar. I loved this Rodarte but it needed to choose a sleeve. This went a bit droopy (but she did get to hang out with Common while she was wearing it, so). This was, in retrospect, totally bizarre and I’m not sure why I liked it at the time.  This Valentino is mostly great but also has Tube Top Issues. I LOVED this, but many of you disagreed; I also liked this, but many of you thought I was nuts, and I get it. It’s VERY Barbara Mandrell:

The issues with this one are much more cut and dry:

It ain’t great. Even Keith — who usually looks like Nicole hung the moon — is kinda like “eh” over there. Speaking of eh:

EH.

Over to Halsey, who — it must be noted — always seems like a treat on the red carpet. I appreciate that in a celebrity. She is also one of those people who can wear any hair color, and also looks good in a buzzcut — although perhaps not in this exact ensemble?

She attempted, this year, to answer the question: What would it look like if a jacket and a corset had a baby?

The answer is: “I dunno, kinda weird? Not like a mash-up anyone really needs, tbh.”

The answer to, “do you want me to wear a TLC costume to the Grammys?” however, is always going to be, “yes:”

My fondest dream is for at least one music awards show to evolve into musicians just wearing outfits they loved on other musicians. Halsey can rewear this. Katy Perry can re-use that dress she made for the time she showed up at the MVAs in Britney’s Denim Dress. Nicki Minaj recently tipped her hat to Lil’ Kim’s infamous boob pasty, and I’m sure she could be convinced to recycle that. It would be fun!

This isn’t not fun:

But it is kind of semi-homemade. This is semi….something:

And, finally, even Halsey has had her Moment of Kardashian:

I mean…we’ve all been there? Yeah, maybe not.

In case you need further research, Nicole’s archives are here; Halsey’s live here.

(5) Dakota Johnson vs. (14) Tove Lo 

Interestingly, this match-up is between two people whose wardrobes didn’t have a lot of depth this year, but DID give us a lot to discuss with each outing. My big question: Will Dakota’s terrible Gucci Oscars dress pull her through another match? Let’s find out.

To begin, let’s revisit that look. When I wrote the post about this look, I wrote as headline “Dakota Johnson, Why Did You Do This?” and I stand by that:

Ugh. As Guccis go, this one was also misguided, to my mind:

And this looks like it might have been on backward?

At a certain point, it also sort of felt like she just gave up. I’m tired too, lady:

Say what you will about Tove Lo, her wardrobe NEVER looks as if she’s just decided to phone it in. She’s never phoned in anything in her life. She might not even HAVE a phone:

You’ll never forget that dress, I suspect. It shall HAUNT YOUR DREAMS and also perhaps your next gynecological appointment. As Heather pointed out in the previous round, also, Tove Lo loves a sheer orange frock:

I must admit that I love these sneaks, but the dress itself feels weirdly slouchy in a way that feels like it doesn’t fit correctly:

These jeans hurt my feelings:

She LOVES ‘em, though:

Here, I’m kinda mostly confused about what’s happening with her hem/socks situation?

Dakota’s archives would like you to sign this contract; Tove Lo’s are interested in talking to you about your fallopian tubes.