The bookmakers had Arthur and Albert, the former was Jessica’s fondest pick, and I was pitching Idris, Budgerigar, Mirren, Edmund Blackadder, Bond, Bandicoot Coddlewombat, and Monty — but unsecretly hoping for Philip because I’m worried about the Duke of Edinburgh’s continued health, and I think it’d be a very nice commemoration of his life in service of the UK to know he had a wee namesake. After much toe-tapping and complaining from the general public about the wait (given how upset people were that Kate left the hospital so fast, it’s funny that they were then angry she didn’t name the baby sooner), the winner is…

Prince Louis Arthur Charles


Obviously, the presence of Charles in the name tips the hat to why they waited to announce it until Chaz had returned from overseas; I’m sure they wanted to tell him in person, and I feel like I should have guessed it, since they honored Diana with Charlotte and this feels like fair play. Arthur is one of Charles’s and William’s names (now three of Chaz’s names have been employed by William and Kate, with Philip being the outsider). Louis, pronounced like Louis Armstrong**, comes from Philip’s uncle Louis Mountbatten, who was a beloved influence in Charles’s life and who is played by Greg Wise in The Crown. It’s also one of William’s names, and one of George’s. It’s… a choice! I was strongly against both Arthur and Albert, which I tend to think only fit on a person within a small window of their life (I am weird, but I just feel like Arthur is either a little boy or an old man, but not a dashing twentysomething stud). I’m not wild about Louis either, but he’s not my child, so I don’t have to like it. I do think they could’ve widened the pool for the third-born, but what do I know. At least he does have Greg Wise to look up to, and I guess they couldn’t name him Willoughby, so Louis had to do.

** Note: Someone in the comments says Louis Armstrong was pronounced “Lewis,” but since the man himself preferred to pronounce it “Lewie” and that’s literally the only way I’ve ever heard it, I’m going to keep the reference and hope you get it.

And now that we know what the little tyke is called, let’s ogle him next to the baby shots of his siblings. I have decided — based on very little information — that he’s going to end up with the Spencer nose, which obviously is also William’s, because (to me) his face is about 90 percent Diana. He’s going to idolize George, who will go through phases of not giving him the time of day, and Charlotte will occasionally look up from her genetics lab work to cluck tolerantly at their shenanigans and then go back to studying the most enduring question of our times: How does Uncle James Middleton fit into any of this?

[Photos: Getty, Backgrid, WENN, Rex/Shutterstock]