“Do you like my blouse? Pants are for fools, lovers. Pants are for Garners. When you are the president of Legifornia, you do not play coy.

“And when you are standing cheek-to-bits with this person, you show him what he cannot tough. In case he decides to touch it anyway. Oh, LOVERS, do not clutch your pearls. I am not interested in making people divorce who are not me. Look at it like strength training for relationships. Can you handle Hurricane Lopez? Can you? And what if I move over like this? And then wriggle a little? Then you are fine.  DUMB, BUT FINE.”

“Also, lovers, I think it is time to poison my makeup artist. Not to kill. Just as a warning. A teeny tiny arsenic warning. Would you go to Mount Rushmore and try to change anything? NO. THEN DO NOT TINKER WITH THE LOPEZ.”

[Photos: J.Lo’s Instagram, Fame/Flynet]