NICKI: Hey, Kutch.
ASHTON: Hello, my child.
NICKI: Huh?
ASHTON: That’s what Jesus would say, right? I’m going full Christ these days.
NICKI: Why?
ASHTON: Because I am the Savior. Or at least that’s what CBS is calling me.
NICKI: Aren’t you too famous to be, like, Backup Sheen?
ASHTON: I think of it as Sheen being Warmup Kutcher. I mean, I’m married to Demi Moore. We have a giant house. It has two and a half dens.
NICKI: Uh-huh.
ASHTON: Do you want my autograph? I have two and a half pens.
NICKI: I see what you’re doing.
ASHTON: I can go all night, baby. I’ve got mad brain energy. I did two and a half cleanses.
NICKI: All right.I bet you can’t. So. Tell me what you think of my shirt.
ASHTON: It’s making my mind do two and a half bends.
NICKI: And my pants?
ASHTON: Like you have two and a half rear ends. In the best way. It’s giving me two and a half yens, baby.
NICKI: Damn, you’re good. Okay, you win. How much do I owe you?
ASHTON: 25 bucks.
NICKI: Huh?
ASHTON: Two and a half tens.
NICKI: Of course. Double damn.
