Emily had been at the US Open prior to attending this party — unless I have my timing wrong and she did them in the reverse order — and basically it makes me wonder if she has special powers that can bend space and time. She is also going through a very intense period of needing pelvic and hip ventilation, because she chased her cutout dress from Wednesday night with this:

It’s not a loincloth per se, but it’s cloth placed precariously ON her loins, so maybe it counts.

Maybe one day it will come to light that Buttockial Glandular Hyperhydration Syndrome is ravaging this poor young hero, and then I will feel sorry, and I will wear the salt water ribbon that commemorates the flank sweat she cannot escape without opening a window. Until then, I will roll my eyes and yawn a bit and wonder how meticulously that is taped.

[Photo: Getty]