The longer they stay together, and the more androgynous Justin Bieber seems to be come, the more ooh-la-la Selena Gomez seems to get.

Seriously, I’m pretty sure she just hopped out of a YA novel someone is writing about a bordello of teen succubi. All that’s missing are some marabou slippers. Every time he touches her and makes his lustyface in her direction, I want to scream, because to me he is like twelve and she is the Moulin Rouge.

I can’t even appreciate (or not) that there might be some color and a pattern and pleating on this dress, because all I can think of is that this dress is close to giving new meaning to the old chestnut, “Crack is wack,” and that we are ALL close to seeing way too much of this wizard’s waverly place. What are you trying to prove, Selena? Haven’t we established that Miley Cyrus Blvd. isn’t in the greatest neighborhood?