For someone who the cover line says really needed this vacation, Tiffany sure doesn’t seem to be enjoying it much. However, the attached profile IS A RIDE. And I mean that in a good way. First she’s talking about traveling, and discovering her Eritrean heritage, and then… she owns an island there which is covered by water for 5 hours a day (and the writer somehow didn’t follow up on that?!?), and then SWERVE, suddenly she has a rose quartz dildo that she charges in the sun?!? She goes from talking about therapy and PTSD to jokes about Usher, to hitting on a random hiker, to saying she isn’t focused on men right now because she’s “building a queendom,” to this affirmation:

“I just recently went to Harvard and took this class called The Business of Entertainment, Media, and Sports. I realized in that class that I’ve really been selling myself short all these years. You need the writer to tell the story, to put the story down on paper, but you need the performer to bring it to life. And the right performer puts the booties in the seats. You need the booty in the seat. You need eyes on the project, and the element that I was missing was that I had value in that way. It’s not about money. It’s about the power and then being able to create opportunities. Like on my show that I’m on right now, The Afterparty, I put in a request to see more people like me on the set.”

Come on this girls’ trip and then let’s discuss.

[Photos: Josefina Santos for Cosmopolitan]