Evidently, Pretty Woman: The Musical not only exists, but ran briefly in Chicago before opening on Broadway in July in previews; its official opening is on my birthday later this month. Samantha Barks, whom you might know as Eponine from the Les Miserables movie, plays Vivian, and I’m assuming that is one of the costumes because she wore it to sing on Today. It’s quite on-point with the aesthetic of the film, except for how the hat doesn’t look like she’s wearing it, so much as it chose to alight so gently on her head and might flit off again at a moment’s notice. And the gentleman with his eyes closed, because this was unfortunate photo timing, is Andy Karl — and yes, he’s playing Richard Gere, seemingly substantially younger. I always thought Edward being just that much older than Vivian was significant, but whatever. The posted reviews are mostly Twitter handles and Facebook users, and one credited to Comcast. Yes, the cable company. One of them calls it an “all-star cast,” which is… generous. The Chicago Tribune’s comment is pretty basic and low down on the poster; I assume New York critics haven’t released theirs yet, and they’ll fill this in? IF they like it.
That master lyricist Bryan “Can you ever really, really really really, REALLY, REALLY REALLY REALLY, really, really, love a woman” Adams co-wrote this. The man knows his way around a catchy riff, at least. But I have deliberately not looked up anything about the score, because it’s more fun to imagine this ourselves. The ensemble number at the polo match had better be good, Bryan. I am hopeful for a dramatic “Confrontation”-style three-way number between Vivian, Edward, and whoever is playing Jason Alexander’s part. And a jazzy number called, “I Don’t Kiss On The Mouth.” The I-Want song will presumably be about how what Vivian wants is not to end up dead behind a Dumpster like Skinny Marie (for real, poor dead Marie is referenced at the beginning of the movie), and what Edward wants is to understand how he can have so much yet feel so little. There should be some zesty negotiation tune for when Vivian locks in her salary. The shopping montage is going to be magical, of course. Kit ought to have one showstopper (fun fact: the actress playing her is married to the guy playing Edward), ideally called, “Cinder-f*ckin’-rella.” And crucially, there needs to be a morose tune called “Big Mistake,” which Vivian will croon to the Hector Elizondo stand-in after she gets kicked off Rodeo Drive, all about how she doesn’t fit in here and what is she doing — which she will reprise, but turned on its head a bit, when she sticks it to the snooty shopgirl.
Okay, your turn. NO PEEKING. Although having said that, I’m totally going to go peek.