Whoever invented Silly Bandz is a genius. Because essentially, that person is getting kids to buy packs of cheap-ass colorful rubber bands that just happen to be twisted into recognizable shapes, and then wear them as bracelets. And now, for six bucks, you can buy Kardashian-themed ones, because these people will put their names on ANYTHING. Kids, have fun with your diamond-ring-shaped rubber bands — sorry, bandz. The z is what makes it zesty.
Maybe if I add a few Zs to this next sentence, the photo will improve. Ready? Okay: Let’z check out Kim’z dresz that she wore to the launch party.
Nope, didn’t work. Not a Z in the world can distract me from the fact that she looks like a very wrinkled, very hurriedly wrapped present that has been sent via a really careless courier company to a far-off locale — you know, the ones that arrive looking like they’ve been opened four times, searched twice, and maybe even unwrapped and re-wrapped after the person determined he or she didn’t want the contents. Not that I’m implying anything about Kim’z contentz.
There might be a reason it looks so janky, though.
It is made from either: a) the world’s thickest leather; b) a wet suit; c) styrofoam packing material that she has glammed up and will sell as KardashiPads in about three months; or d) a space-suit, because she is going to arrange to get shot up into the stratosphere to try and get a jump on sponsorship agreements with the Man in the Moon. I suspect it’s the latter, and that pretty soon we won’t be talking about harvest or crescent or blue or full moons, or whatever; it’ll be whether it’s a Kim, Khloe, Kourtney, or Douchelord moon, with demi-phases for her tiny half-sisters and then one really scary time when it’s just Bruce Jenner fiendishly grinning down at us for 24 hours. Get ready.