After a truly crazy and occasionally nail-biting Sweet Sixteen round in Fug Madness, I spent the entire weekend blissfully ignoring words and concepts like “polterwang” and “sideboob.”
So thanks, Olivia Williams, for snapping me back to reality by making me stare so hard at your torso that my crow’s feet got crow’s feet. The beading on the dress seems to have multiple personality disorder, and it isn’t the most flattering cut or color, but all of that paled in comparison to me wondering whether I was getting demi-flashed.
I wish I had thought to look for this picture BEFORE I did all my fervent, perplexed staring. Could’ve spared myself a headache. The verdict: There IS sideboob, but it’s not fully naked sideboob — instead, it’s cradled by baggy illusion netting. Oh, Olivia, you minx. You got me. You made me look.
But don’t get too smug. Somewhere, Johnny Weir is tearing out his hair and screaming, “If the illusion netting is BAGGY then YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG.” But netting it is. And, as executed, it’s the fashion equivalent of smearing Vaseline on a camera lens: She WANTS you to look, oh yes, but only on her very specific, very ridiculous terms. So in the end it’s just a comedy, like every one of Krystle and Blake’s love scenes on Dynasty.