WELL. We have A LOT to discuss. The Netherlands celebrated Kings’ Day with hats and a variety of tertiary royals (my favorite kind, including one with a connection to a dramatic tale of the German Resistance); Princess Charlene does not look pregnant, despite our (my) speculations; and finally and most gossip-worthy and let’s just get to the juicy stuff: THE SCRUNCHIES HAVE LEFT THE PALACE.

There is obviously a plethora of speculation about the Harry/Cressida break-up and of course it’s all just gossip, but the wide, wide variety of speculative gossip is a delight, and let’s not pretend: I love me some royals gossip and I am going to roll around in it like a pig in slop, except with more tea and cake. Let’s talk this out.

– I saw the news on People first and the fact that this leaked on William and Kate’s wedding anniversary is some cold-ass shade and yes I think that was intentional and deliciously bitchy. People claims that Cressida was “too needy.”

– Then! The Telegraph says that they really had a row over Cressida not wanting to splash out cash to go to this wedding in Memphis this weekend if they weren’t really going somewhere emotionally — oh, yes, Fug Nationals of Memphis, a single Harry and a presumably watchdog William are both in your city right now and one of them is probably ready to act out, so get out there and report back; rumor has it that the media is insane there at the moment, and I in fact saw a variety of (unsatisfying so far) paps pics of the both of them, like, climbing in and out of cars and entering a BBQ joint — and also that she felt freaked out by the attention. Cressida comes out well in this version, and I say that as someone who is totally unmoved by her as a person. Also, you know William is like, “I cannot believe I am this jetlagged still and now I have to keep Harry from getting naked and streaking Graceland with a bunch of bridesmaids. I AM BUT ONE MAN,” and then he’s all, “why don’t you come and help me, Kate?” and Kate is like, “nice try. I have like nine episodes of The Face to watch. The best of British luck, babe. See you Monday!”

Vanity Fair says Cressida has been given “compassionate leave” at work, which I suspect is ACTUALLY “please go home and wait for this all to cool down, because we’re sick of all the photographers hanging about outside” leave, but which is a kindness for her. (I’m not a fan, but I’m sure she would much rather stay home and cry into her box wine right now for a variety of reason.)

– And of course the Daily Mail I KNOW I KNOW  has like NINE theories all in the course of one article, some of which directly contradict each other, INCLUDING speculation that Harry isn’t over Chelsy Davy; one sentence that I misread so that I had one brilliant moment of believing that Chelsy was also going to this wedding and it would be like an episode of Dynasty up in there; and various eye-raising about what Harry will probably get up to this weekend. SCANDAL! LET’S SPECULATE!

– AND THEN, in a LATE ADD, the Daily Mail I KNOW I KNOW totally reverses the earlier article to note that ACTUALLY Harry is really behaving in Memphis and texting Cressida all the time and they may get back together, an article in which once again Cressida comes out rather well again. Maybe this entire thing will make me like Cressida by the end. Maybe THAT’S the plan.

Other stuff:

We obviously looked back at Wills and Kate’s wedding on their anniversary. Gowns! Romance! Tans!

The Telegraph wrote those two a rather nice Valentine (with a bunch of other interesting bits about loved-up royals of the past).

People talked to the official New Zealand government photographer, who went to all of W&K’s NZ events, and it’s quite interesting/heart-warming.

StyleWatch also has some insight into the woman who helps Kate with her wardrobe. Very interesting.

Stuff put together a groovy cool-wheel of all of Kate’s outfits on the past tour.

– And Grazia created a collage of all her coats. That looks alarmingly like my vision board….

– Our friend Sally Holmes over at Elle recreated several of Kate’s tour outfits and wore them around town to see what people would say. I am roiling with envy that she’s gotten her hands on that lace Zimmerman dress that isn’t out until June and I want so badly although I don’t even think it will really work on me.

– Poor Camilla; as you probably know, her brother died very suddenly last week and the funeral was yesterday. She has to be devastated. It’s hardly important in the grand scheme of things, but she looks very nice indeed at the service.

– Finally, I’m just going to leave this here: The Queen Mother Loved The Golden Girls So Much That She Requested a Live Performance from the Cast. Although I want to include this tidbit: “Last year, British comedy actress Cleo Rocos recalled how, back in the late 80s, she, Princess Diana, and Freddie Mercury would turn down the volume on Golden Girls reruns, drink champagne, and improvise “show dialogue with ‘much naughtier storyline lines.’” (Vanity Fair)