This might be my favorite column of the year so far. Because it’s all about dudes with long-hair and how luxurious that long hair is and it also includes a joke that I have been waiting perhaps my entire writing life to make. No, I’m not going to tell you which joke that is. You just need to figure it out on your own. Anyway, the column includes bits like the following:

Michael J. Fox, Teen Wolf (1985)

Is It Necessary? Absolutely, for only with realism can we understand the struggles of the high school werewolf.

Is It Flattering? Only according to people with very specific fetishes.

Is It Luxurious? It might be soft, at least? But it also might smell like wet dog.

Overall Gloriousness: 9. This is commitment at its finest; bonus points for the fact that Michael J. Fox spent a lot of the movie in a tank top and shorts and thus also a hirsute suit.

Read all about it — and surely argue about it in the comments — over at Vulture!