I don’t know how many of you read Tyra’s young adult fiction opus Modelland, but it’s like Pan’s Labyrinth and America’s Next Top Model got super high with Harry Potter and a couple of the Hunger Games organizers and had an orgy that bore spawn. This confection Tyra is wearing on her face, for GMA, is the book’s depiction of a smize — I don’t even remember why, or indeed, any other real details; there were so many trippy parts of that long, long ride, that they have all blended together. Even her acknowledgments are like twenty Kindle pages long. Anyway, it seemed apt to flash back to this, at a time when she was recently trying to revive Modelland via some unconscionably expensive experience down at a storefront in Santa Monica — but also, because all that is emblematic of Tyra’s constant yen to evolve. She went from supermodel to actress to youth-camp organizer to original ANTM host to attempted pop star to talk show host to YA novelist to rebooted talk show host to cosmetics maven to MBA student to Stanford guest lecturer to rebooted ANTM host to America’s Got Talent host to BanX and FINALLY to her latest iteration: the new host of Dancing With The Stars. (I am out of breath from listing all that, and I didn’t even say any of it out loud.) I feel like DWTS will be an interesting fit for her — she has the right fromage level, I think? — but it also makes me wonder what reality shows we can look forward to her taking over in the next twenty years. The Voice? Top Chef? (“There are two beautiful meals before me. But only one fork in my hand.”) Oh, give her The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. Tyra would be unable to resist popping up to do everyone’s emotional labor with them, and I think would also stand for no baloney. I might want to watch that, honestly. Watch out, Chris Harrison, you smug dinosaur you.
